TULSA, Oklahoma – What started as a normal day at a small coffee shop in Tulsa, Oklahoma turned out to be anything but. Young Jamica Morris had brought her new baby to Topeca Coffee for a quick coffee and quiche. Her daughter became hungry so Jamica, being a good young mother, started breastfeeding her. That’s when the tragic events that changed several lives forever began to unfold.
All I wanted to do was feed my baby. He looked funny at me. I felt so uncomfortable. He has no right to look funny at me. I was so ashamed.
The once carefree, joyous coffee shop has now become a point of contention in this formerly progressive midwest town. Opinions on the right to look funny vary from citizen to citizen and it appears that before healing can take place something must be done to bring the waring factions in Tulsa together again under the banner of compassion and understanding.
You just can’t look funny at someone even if they are breastfeeding. Who does this guy think he is? This is America. If you can’t see a boob without looking funny then you can GET OUT! – Cooter Dukes, Tulsa resident.
I should be able to look funny at anyone I want. There is an amendment in the declaration of something or other that says I can give whatever face I want. – Harry Ohla, Tulsa resident
We at I.S., managed to secure the first interview with the man at the center of this horrific incident. We will call him Jason to protect his identity.
IS – Is there some reason you felt it appropriate to look funny at this young girl for breastfeeding?
Jason – honestly I have no idea what everyone is talking about. I never even noticed anyone breastfeeding. I was just trying to drink a coffee.
IS – You expect everyone to believe that you never looked funny?
Jason – I have no idea. I try not to look funny but maybe I did. I just know I never looked funny because someone was breastfeeding.
IS – How convenient for you Jason. We take intolerance seriously here and feel you are being just a tad disingenuous.
Jason – Wait, what? I really have no idea…
IS – We are just looking for some honesty here. You owe us at least that.
Jason – But I don’t even..
IS – Do you believe you have the right to just look funny at anyone you choose?
Jason – No, I mean actually yes. I think the constitution…
IS So you admit you looked funny at her?
Jason – No, what I am saying is I didn’t even…
IS – Which is it? You seem to be having difficulty deciding whether or not you are intollerant and hateful.
Jason – This is crazy. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even know anyone was breastfeeding. This whole thing is insane.
IS – Perhaps you should spend more time thinking about the harm you did to this young girl instead of how you feel.
Jason – That’s it. I am not answering any more of your questions.
IS – You just looked at me funny. You better admit you have a problem or you will never get better.
Our interviewer did, indeed, receive a funny look. We’re unsure whether or not Jason will be held to account for it, however. Lucky for all of us we have had a great relationship with entrepreneur and presidential candidate Donald Trump. When asked about the controversy he had this to say,
I love boobs. I’m the only candidate looking to make boobs great. I love them. I love them all, white ones, black ones, Asian ones especially. They’re all great but not as great as they should be. When I am president I promise no one will be looking funny at boobs because they will be great, phenomenal. The world will know our boobs are phenominal. – Donald Trump