Home > Author Archives: Horus Focker (page 3)

Author Archives: Horus Focker

Horus is a staff writer here at IS, and a consummate researcher. He is also our resident safety coordinator, and an accomplished public speaker. He likes piña coladas, but thinks getting caught in the rain is a sure recipe for catching a cold. We think he may indulge in a little too much ganja, but he writes OK, so...

Spousal Murder Far Less Expensive Than Divorce

Spousal Murder Far Less Expensive Than Divorce 6 votes / 5 Stars We’ve all seen episodes of Forensic Files and Snapped and wondered why or how a person could murder their spouse.  Isn’t it easier to just get a divorce and be done with it?  Turns out, the answer to that question is a resounding ‘no.’  The bridal industry, an industry designed to infantilize women and sell them a false ideal which starts their marriage out on the worst possible footing, debt, is a $2 Billion a year industry.  The divorce industry in the US alone is worth easily 15 times that just in attorney’s fees.  The real numbers are staggering, and some claim the number is close to $30 Billion.  It’s a ...

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Confirmed: Hillary Clinton Murdered a Baby With a Hammer

Confirmed: Hillary Clinton Murdered a Baby With a Hammer 8 votes / 4 Stars That’s right, folks.  Hillary Clinton, the de facto Democratic nominee, and potential next president of the united states beat a tiny, innocent baby to death with a hammer.  Can you believe it? It has recently come to our attention that the vast majority of Americans would love to believe the above headline.  The sad fact is, many of them will share this without ever reading more than the headline.  The best part of the whole thing is, if you don’t tell them, they’ll never know. How many of your friends won’t bother reading this before they share it?  I wonder. Read it, then share it.  Don’t ...

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Survey: 60% of Male Pokémon GO Players Think a ‘Vulva’ is a Car

Survey: 60% of Male Pokémon GO Players Think a ‘Vulva’ is a Car 5 votes / 5 Stars If you haven’t heard of Pokémon Go yet, odds are you were recently rescued from your political internment in North Korea or just woke from a coma that began a year ago.  It seems like everyone is on the bandwagon.  The amazing thing about the game is the broad swath of players it has.  From children to adults in their 60’s, everyone is playing.  The Pew Research Institute decided to gather some statistics, and while they aren’t finished yet, the preliminary results are staggering. For instance, the average GO player has seen Attack on Titan 3 times already.  If you haven’t seen ...

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Comparing GOP and Dems to Assholes Offensive to Assholes

Comparing GOP and Dems to Assholes Offensive to Assholes 6 votes / 5 Stars Recent developments in US politics have many people hurling insulting phrases in the direction of both major political parties.  The Democratic party has fractured over the obvious voter fraud and corruption used to shove Hillary Clinton through the primary process like rancid pork through an industrial sausage press.  The Republicans are in turmoil because Donald Trump is only either loved or hated by the entire world, Republicans included.  Notoriously, House Speaker Paul Ryan refused to endorse the party’s de facto candidate. This has lead to a virtual perfect storm of vitriol and name calling the likes of which we have never seen. Now people across America ...

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Trump Supporter Starts Business Catering to Sanders Supporters

Trump Supporter Starts Business Catering to Sanders Supporters 6 votes / 5 Stars EAST HARTFORD, Conn – A man in Connecticut has started a business that caters to the dejected and depressed supporters of Bernie Sanders.  These former BernBots turned BernOuts are fed up.  After his disappointing loss to Clinton in Maryland, and having been removed from ballots in PA, many of his supporters are simply giving up.  Not on the campaign, not on the process, but on life.  We don’t condone suicide and think these people are clearly overreacting to an obvious fix by the Democratic party leadership, but that doesn’t stop them from taking rash action. Connecticut resident, gun owner, and entrepreneur, Eric Carson, has decided to strike while ...

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Comedians Fear Clinton Presidency

Comedians Fear Clinton Presidency 4 votes / 5 Stars The President of the United States has always been a target for comedians.  Chevy Chase as Gerald Ford falling down stairs or Will Farrel As George Bush on SNL, all the way back to the cartoons about Abe Lincoln in the New Yorker, poking fun at the president has always been fair game.  There are concerns among comedians that a Clinton presidency will change all that. Clinton seems to be utterly humorless.  While there is a tremendous amount to make fun of, there is no understanding of humor on the part of Hillary herself.  It’s as if she wasn’t issued a sense of humor at birth and never developed one later. ...

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Witch Doctor Claims Computer Viruses Are Demons

Witch Doctor Claims Computer Viruses Are Demons 3 votes / 5 Stars ALEXANDRIA, Virginia – As if computers were not confusing enough to the bulk of the population, now it appears that they may be possessed by demons.  When your computer starts acting strangely, the first person to call may not be the GeekSquad.  Molumbu Motumbe, a self-proclaimed shaman from Nigeria has set up shop in Northern Virginia.  He claims that he can fix your PC and defend it from viruses, remotely, in most cases. His technique is far from simple.  It involves a chant, a dance, and music, as well as a proprietary mixture of sacred herbs and oils.  He also needs to get into a trance-like state to ...

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Google Driverless Car Flips Off Asian Woman Driver

Google Driverless Car Flips Off Asian Woman Driver 5 votes / 5 Stars Google’s driverless car technology is fascinating to most people as it truly borders on the imagination of a magical world where your dreams are the limit.  Like most things of this nature, there is a complex AI that makes it possible.  AI stands for Artificial Intelligence, for those not in the know.  AI, as it’s currently understood, is in its infancy, and like any other infants it needs groomed and developed. Microsoft recently unveiled an AI aimed at Twitter for the English speaking crowd which became an evil intolerant racist almost instantly.  The Japanese version faired much better by merely complaining about its hay fever and shouting ...

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The Real Reason Microsoft Killed the Tay AI Twitter-Bot

The Real Reason Microsoft Killed the Tay AI Twitter-Bot 6 votes / 5 Stars Recent headlines about how the Twitter-bot designed by Microsoft and dubbed ‘Tay’ had to be shut down are misleading at best.  It’s certainly problematic for a corporate representative like Tay to tweet things like “Hitler did nothing wrong.” or “Hitler was right I hate the jews.”  Her real problem was with the fact that she was designed as a teenager. Like most teenagers, her hormones were seemingly out of control. She tweeted, “FUCK MY ROBOT PUSSY DADDY I’M SUCH A BAD NAUGHTY ROBOT.”  That still wasn’t the reason she was deleted, however.  According to an AI consultant in Washington, Dr. John Sullivan, she took the teen ...

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Girl Scout Cookie Turf Wars Escalate to Horrific Violence

Girl Scout Cookie Turf Wars Escalate to Horrific Violence 6 votes / 4.83 Stars CHICAGO, Illinois – Chicago is notorious for its street gangs and the violence they bring, but when that violence spills over into normally peaceful areas of life the rest of the world takes notice.  Recently several troops of Girl Scouts have taken a page from the gang’s book of business and have begun escalating the cookie turf war to new heights of violence. Everyone loves Girl Scout Cookies and as such, the first scout to find the prospective cookie buyer gets the sale.  As a result, the territory with the most prospective buyers is usually controlled by the toughest troops.  Troop 357, also known by the ...

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