Home > Author Archives: Horus Focker (page 5)

Author Archives: Horus Focker

Horus is a staff writer here at IS, and a consummate researcher. He is also our resident safety coordinator, and an accomplished public speaker. He likes piña coladas, but thinks getting caught in the rain is a sure recipe for catching a cold. We think he may indulge in a little too much ganja, but he writes OK, so...

List of People Fleeing the Country if Trump Elected

List of People Fleeing the Country if Trump Elected 4 votes / 5 Stars A tremendous number of people have publicly stated their desire to flee the country if Donald Trump is elected. Their reasons are many and varied, but the list is growing. Below is a partial and ongoing list of celebrities (because, who cares about the little guy) who have made it known that Trump is not their guy. Reverend Al Sharpton – “If Donald Trump is the nominee, I’m open to support anyone [else], while I’m also reserving my ticket to get out of here if he wins, only because he’d probably have me deported anyway…” CEO Barry Diller – He plans to move or join the resistance. ...

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Government Studies Too Expensive, Usually Have Bad Results

Government Studies Too Expensive, Usually Have Bad Results 3 votes / 5 Stars A recent study conducted by the National Science Foundation, costing a whopping $1 billion, which sought to quantify the efficacy and efficiency of scientific studies, has concluded.  The study was funded by the National Science Foundation, a government function, which means the funds came from taxpayers.  The shocking part of the study is not the price tag, or the organization which performed the study, it was the results. The study found that government funded studies are severely over priced, and more often than not, the results of those studies cannot be trusted.  The head of the study, Dr. Vég Noel, wasn’t even sure if the results of the study should ...

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Leading Cause of Death in the US/UK: Being a Rock Star Over 45?

Leading Cause of Death in the US/UK: Being a Rock Star Over 45? 5 votes / 5 Stars With the recent deaths of notable rock and roll celebrities like David Bowie and Glenn Frey, and the repeated news of deaths from the music community on a daily basis, many musicians are starting to ask questions.  The most common question is some variant of ‘WTF is going on with musicians?’ The fervor started with the death of Long John Hunter on the 4th of January, and hasn’t let up since.  We’ve lost such notables as Lemmy Kilminster, Dan Hicks, Maurice White, Paul Katner, and the aforementioned Bowie and Frey.  The first two months of 2016 have been horrible for music lovers everywhere. ...

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Florida Company Says: Safer Meth Labs on the Horizon

Florida Company Says: Safer Meth Labs on the Horizon 5 votes / 5 Stars TALLAHASSEE, Florida – There is scarcely a person alive in the United States who has never heard of Crystal Meth, or Methamphetamine, or Meth, as it’s known by those with street cred.  Thanks to shows like Breaking Bad, it’s also known by people who don’t use it but may be considering it.  The Internet is awash with jokes and memes about the drug that give us all a giggle and help our feeling of superiority.  The knowledge non-users tend to have about it revolves around the danger of addiction and the health issues that arise from it.  Only slightly less well known is the danger of ...

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Congress Proposes ‘Rape Free Zone’ Legislation to Curb Sexual Assault

Congress Proposes ‘Rape Free Zone’ Legislation to Curb Sexual Assault 12 votes / 5 Stars WASHINGTON, DC – Rape is an issue on the minds of many women and men across the Unites States, and our congress has finally started to take notice.  Freshman congresswoman, Norma Torres (D), California, has seen the horrors that grip society from coast to coast related to America’s apparent rape culture and refuses to allow it to continue. She has drafted legislation in conjunction with feminist interests to take a page from the anti-gun movement.  The proposal is to make rape even more illegal in certain ‘rape free’ zones. Like gun free zones, rape free zones will have certain default locations, as well as leaving ...

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Thirteen Questions With Hillary Clinton

Thirteen Questions With Hillary Clinton 7 votes / 5 Stars We’re not even sure how a rinky-dink outfit like us scored this interview.  I think some confused staffer dropped us in the wrong pile.  More likely than that, it wasn’t her, but some sound-alike with good talking points.  Either way, we spoke to the political equivalent of…  well…  Hillary Clinton. IS – Madam Secretary, Who is Ben Gazhi and why do we keep hearing his name? HC – My girl should have told you that I wasn’t answering questions about that, but since she didn’t…  does it even matter?  I don’t know who he is, or why I spent all that time in front of congress talking about him, but I ...

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New Marijuana Game, Smokémon, Killing Kids

New Marijuana Game, Smokémon, Killing Kids 11 votes / 5 Stars With widespread acceptance of marijuana culture and use, a new danger has arisen for children.  Like college kids and frat houses love their drinking games, it was only a matter of time before a smoking game caught on.  The game is called Smokémon, and it’s a lot like a trading card game, only with actual marijuanas.  We all know that marijuanas kill most of the people who use them, and that’s what makes this game so difficult to talk about. The game works using the strain names on leafly.com.  If a player has a sample (called a nug) of the strain on the card, he can use the card.  The more ...

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Least Safe Thing About Teen Dating: Her Father

Least Safe Thing About Teen Dating: Her Father 4 votes / 5 Stars Teenagers date.  It’s a natural part of the process of growing up.  They also do all manner of things fathers don’t want to think about.  This fact has given rise to the DADD movement, among others.  DADD stands for Dads Against Daughters Dating.  This idea is generally limited to fathers of good looking daughters, but looks are a very subjective thing. DADD is not an organized movement, as opposed to the MADD movement, which has meetings and a national headquarters.  It’s more of just a shirt that dads can wear to announce that they feel their daughter is good looking enough to warrant a defensive posture in regards ...

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Oscar Surprise: Footballer Bryan Carrasco Nominated for Best Actor

Oscar Surprise: Footballer Bryan Carrasco Nominated for Best Actor 6 votes / 5 Stars HOLLYWOOD, Ca – The Academy Awards (AKA the Oscars) have long been the goal of actors the world over.  The award has historically only gone to screen actors, but with waning popularity of award shows, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (or the Academy, for short) has entertained ideas for bringing back the popularity of the event.  They’ve tried booking forces of nature like Neil Patrick Harris and Chris Rock as host, and invited huge names in music to perform at the ceremony.  They’ve even taken steps to reduce the time egotists have in front of the microphone after George Clooney used the stage to ...

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Spit-Talkers: Annoyance, or Public Health Menace?

Spit-Talkers: Annoyance, or Public Health Menace? 4 votes / 5 Stars Some people spit when they talk.  To those of us who don’t, it’s an annoyance, especially considering the number of times we need to make excuses to end conversations quickly or avoid conversation altogether.  Hiding behind the annoyance factor, is something far more sinister.  Spit, as it turns out, is really, really nasty. Human saliva is full of all manner of bacteria.  In fact, there are typically between 500 and 650 different species of bacteria in the average human mouth.  If one were to scrape all the plaque in the average mouth off the teeth, there would be in the neighborhood of 20 billion microbes in it.  ‘Billion’ is ...

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