Home > Author Archives: Horus Focker (page 9)

Author Archives: Horus Focker

Horus is a staff writer here at IS, and a consummate researcher. He is also our resident safety coordinator, and an accomplished public speaker. He likes piña coladas, but thinks getting caught in the rain is a sure recipe for catching a cold. We think he may indulge in a little too much ganja, but he writes OK, so...

College Graduates Eight Times More Likely to Die in Skydiving Accidents

College Graduates Eight Times More Likely to Die in Skydiving Accidents18 votes / 3.7 Stars Recent statistics point to a disturbing trend in recreational fatalities.  According to the CDC, people with a college education resulting in a bachelor’s degree or higher (excluding Ph.D. postgraduates), are eight times more likely to die in skydiving accidents.  Spokespeople for the agency are baffled by this finding, as they only recently began asking for educational credentials in death reports. While this information is accurate, the cause remains under investigation.  We here at IS fully intend to follow up with any new information we find, but our immediate recommendation is as follows. If you have a degree up to and including a master’s degree, stop ...

Read More »

Recreational Fishing Linked to Severe Alcoholism

Recreational Fishing Linked to Severe Alcoholism7 votes / 4.4 Stars Fishing is one of the great pastimes throughout history.  Where there’s water, there are fish.  Where there are fish, there are anglers.  Where there are anglers, there is beer.  What does beer have to do with fish, you might ask?  Everything.  As it turns out, fishing, like baseball, is so boring that beer is required to make it even remotely exciting. Every year, fishermen in the US alone consume enough beer while fishing to fill 27 olympic sized pools with enough leftover to make the entire city of Boston drunk for the whole week of St. Patrick’s.  Sadly, the vast majority of that beer is swill like Budweiser or Miller ...

Read More »

Practice Safe Gerbiling: Why Duct Tape is Necessary

Practice Safe Gerbiling: Why Duct Tape is Necessary9 votes / 4.9 Stars In relation to a recent post on the subject of polyembolokoilamania, we mentioned that people were sticking all manner of things into their bodily orifices.  While this isn’t an endorsement of that behavior, if one must do it we figure we should weigh in on how to do it safely. There is a practice among a subset of those suffering from polyembolokoilamania called gerbiling.  This is the act of inserting a gerbil (or other small rodent) into one’s anus, presumably using a tube of some sort.  The issues of safety arise when you realize that these creatures have sharp parts that can cause intestinal trauma.  We have been ...

Read More »

Paying for Sex Safer, Less Expensive Than Dating, Marriage

Paying for Sex Safer, Less Expensive Than Dating, Marriage5 votes / 5 Stars It’s no secret that prostitution is a very old and storied profession.  In certain pagan cultures, priestesses of some deities earned money for the temples by participating in this profession.  US history, however, is replete with hatred of prostitution and vice (mainly from ugly church women).  Recent studies, however, suggest that prostitution may be the best way to stay safe and avoid costly permanent or semi-permanent entanglements with the opposite sex. Most European, Asian, and South American countries allow prostitution in one form or another, and even one US state (arguably the best US state), Nevada, has decriminalized prostitution.  Given the tremendous evidence that it’s not harmful ...

Read More »

Easy Open Kraft Mac & Cheese Box Bad for Self Esteem, Leads to Suicides

Easy Open Kraft Mac & Cheese Box Bad for Self Esteem, Leads to Suicides4 votes / 5 Stars Macaroni and cheese is a popular food item.  Most people prefer a homemade concoction of cheeses and pasta, but many companies make instant or simple versions of this dish for the do-it-yourselfer.  Kraft is one of those companies, and arguably the most popular.  Despite its utter lack of taste and absence of nutritional value, it is consumed by the ton on a daily basis, but does that convenience have a dark side? , suicide is among the leading causes of accidental death in most age categories.  Even though we don’t know how the CDC can say something done on purpose was an ...

Read More »

Paying Attention During Sex: Avoiding Sexual Injuries

Paying Attention During Sex: Avoiding Sexual Injuries4 votes / 5 Stars For whatever reason, hospitals are seeing a rise in sex related injuries.  From that weirdness we talked about earlier, to hip dislocations and contortion related injuries, it’s all getting worse.  While some of those in the medical profession attribute this rise to people’s comfort with a more adventurous sex life, we here at IS believe there is a simpler explanation.  Mindfulness… Mindfulness is a term that is all the rage right now in esoteric as well as psychological circles, but what does it mean?  If you boil it down, it means paying attention.  I wonder why they even bothered to change the name, really.  I mean, what was wrong with ...

Read More »

The Sun: Why It’s Best Avoided

The Sun: Why It’s Best Avoided4 votes / 5 Stars The sun, like most other aspects of the universe, is trying to kill you.  Far too many people know little to nothing about the sun, and its sinister motives.  Exposure to the sun can give you all kinds of maladies, from sunburn to skin cancer.  It can bake you like a potato, or fry you like an egg.  Given these facts, why do people go outside during the day? It may surprise you to know that the sun is actually a star.  Unlike most stars, it’s just very close.  Stars are gigantic nuclear reactors, and I think we can all agree that nuclear energy is bad.  With disasters like Chernobyl, ...

Read More »

Kombucha Drinkers in the Workplace: Pretentious Douchebags?

Kombucha Drinkers in the Workplace: Pretentious Douchebags?4 votes / 5 Stars Douchebaggery in the workplace is a dangerous condition.  It leads to resentment and altercations, sometimes physical.  There are myriad douchey things that one can do in an office environment.  Decoration of a cubicle with Tamagotchis, hanging Nickleback posters, talking loudly on the phone to friends about weed enjoyed over the weekend, repeatedly referring to acquaintances as ‘bro,’ discussing one’s workout routine.  These are all incredibly douchey, but perhaps nothing is worse than healthy people rubbing their healthiness in the faces of their co-workers who enjoy coffee and doughnuts. Healthy people, while often chipper, are normally obnoxious douchebags.  They tend to offer dietary advice no one asked for.  They constantly ...

Read More »

Polyembolokoilamania and You: We Got Nothin’

Polyembolokoilamania and You: We Got Nothin’6 votes / 5 Stars Once in awhile, we run across a behavior so unsafe that we can’t properly process what we’re seeing.  This one is perhaps the worst.  Firstly, we understand that this is a mental illness, and we’ve had experience in that realm (and we’re properly medicated, we swear).  Polyembolokoilamania, however, is a bird of a different color.  This is a behavior so unsafe that we probably need to ban it and incarcerate everyone practicing it for their own good. Polyembolokoilamania is a disease in which one inserts foreign objects in body orifices.  You heard that right.  People are inserting all manner of objects into any body orifice that catches their fancy.  In ...

Read More »

Legislation Should Always Have Safety In Mind

Legislation Should Always Have Safety In Mind3 votes / 5 Stars Let’s face it.  Our legislators are generally unsafe people.  As such, they tend to pass unsafe legislation.  For instance, of the 30 bills recently before the 114th Congress, only eight of them even contain the word safety.  We here at IS feel that nearly every bill could stand to have more safety in it.  There is a bill under consideration titled: H.R.3192 – Homebuyers Assistance Act.  Don’t you think that part of the assistance these homebuyers could use is perhaps making their homes safer than they were? If we convince Congress that safety is important, they’ll take it seriously, and then it will be important.  Think about a society where ...

Read More »

Powered by Dragonballsuper Youtube Download animeshow