Home > Author Archives: Dr. I. M. Swindler (page 12)

Author Archives: Dr. I. M. Swindler

A lover of everything controversial and/or satirical. Takes nothing serious and finds a way to laugh at anything, anytime. Perhaps the smartest person on Earth but sucks at proper grammar. All geniuses have a weakness, no?

Surviving Alien Abduction: A Users Guide for 2016

Surviving Alien Abduction: A Users Guide for 20165 votes / 5 Stars Every passing year brings with it more tales of abduction and horrors orchestrated by our visitors from above. From simple sightings to full horrifying physical examinations our helplessness as compared to our spacely counterparts has been written and talked about since man first had the ability to think and chronicle his experiences. Recently several abduction victims have unlocked the secrets of surviving these experiences and turning the tables on these out of this world aggressors. For obvious reasons these brave sources shall remain nameless. We have used their experience and insight to create this list and we all owe each of these victims a sincere debt of gratitude. ...

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The Gun Debate is Over: For Safety’s Sake Prisons Do it Right

The Gun Debate is Over: For Safety’s Sake Prisons Do it Right4 votes / 5 Stars The gun debate in America divides even the closest of friends and the arguments are always well thought out and sincere.  One side touts the second Amendment and individual liberties while the other counters with safety of the innocent and trust in the authorities to protect them from violence. Recently people against the second amendment have been looking to an industry with a proven track record of showing society what the nation would look like without guns. They have given us a glimpse of how America might look if we adopted the same standards as America’s federal prisons. According to the Federal Organization On ...

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Ouija Safety: Keeping Evil Spirits at Bay.

Ouija Safety: Keeping Evil Spirits at Bay.5 votes / 5 Stars Lets all be honest for a moment….. We all want to play with our Ouija boards but can not seem to get around the irrational (or rational) fear that spirits will be released and conquer our will to live. We have all heard countless stories of game boards jumping out of fires or the stylus jumping off active boards and flying through windows. The spirit world is nothing to mess with but some are trying to take the power back. The Parkers Bros. Corporation which owned the rights to Ouija boards for decades never allowed the secrets out as to how they got the spirits into their game boards. ...

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Angry Thoughts Contribute to Global Warming

Angry Thoughts Contribute to Global Warming6 votes / 4.8 Stars Have you ever been so mad that your body heats up, your face turns red, and you start to shout? We have all been there and acted out as if there were no consequences. Oh, how wrong we all were as new studies from the prestigious Wellington Institute of Climate Change and Survival have suggested. In research conducted from June of 2013 through December 2014 Dr. Par T. Shill has shown that our angry outbursts not only endanger the lives of those around us but also all of humanity. Says Dr. Shill, “When our bodies heat up we raise our own temperature on average 10°C. Even worse our own anger ...

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Food Safety: Mortality Rate Among Fruit Eaters an Astonishing 100%

Food Safety: Mortality Rate Among Fruit Eaters an Astonishing 100%3 votes / 5 Stars Nutritional safety is always important in today’s fast-paced, fast food society.  We all do the best we can to ensure we are getting the energy and the nutrients we require to keep us at our best.  Many have suggested recently that everything we need can be found in basic fruits.  This theory is very worrisome to nutritionists at the Gnawphul institute for nutritional studies in Budapest, Hungary.  Dr. Philip Honmeats has been responsible for dozens of studies over the years linking many foods to disease and death.  His groundbreaking new theory, which suggests that fruits are responsible for death amongst consumers, is taking the nutritional world by ...

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10 Things You Need to Know About Ghost Safety

10 Things You Need to Know About Ghost Safety5 votes / 5 Stars As Halloween quickly approaches, it’s important that we all learn a little bit about supernatural safety.  We have put together a partial list of safety tips and crisis points concerning ghosts and apparitions for those of you struggling to come to terms with your hauntings. No matter what you may have heard no ghost will ever take a chance on killing you. The one advantage they have over you is the fact that they’re a supernatural being and you’re not. They (Spirits) know that killing you will only cause you to become a spirit too and you will likely be angry with them for killing you. Imagine ...

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The Color Pink Linked to Outbreak in Breast Cancer

The Color Pink Linked to Outbreak in Breast Cancer5 votes / 5 Stars A new groundbreaking study will change the way we view breast cancer forever. This vile, disgusting disease that affects so many will soon be brought to its knee’s through prevention thanks to the life-changing work being done by Dr. Kopski Fehly of the Institute for Female Studies at the prestigious Klhukuski institute in Sweeden. In a study of 200 participants consisting of both males and females. Dr. Fehly has found that wearing pink more than a couple times per month makes you 75% more likely to develop breast cancer.  Said Dr Fehly, “It is our determination that the color pink is a direct component to the development of breast ...

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Bullying Should be Protected Speech

Bullying Should be Protected Speech4 votes / 5 Stars Over the last ten years, few issues in America have been more revered and beloved than ending bullying. We see musical artists, actors and actresses, politicians, and common everyday folks marching to the beat of the antibully drum. We have all decided as a people that bullying is wrong and must be stopped but did we act too quickly? Alvin Moore is freshmen at Dumont High School in Mansville, Vermont. He is a recovering bully trying to make his way in this new world. “I just don’t understand what I did wrong.” Said Moore, “If a kid wears glasses that are taped, I help him by giving him an atomic wedgie. ...

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Nose pickers healthier and live longer.

Nose pickers healthier and live longer.3 votes / 5 Stars It is maybe the biggest taboo in American culture. It is one of the fastest ways to become ostracized from the rest of society. Anyone who gets caught doing it is immediately marked as unfrindworthy. Now science shows that it is one of the healthiest things you can do for your body. It is nose picking and it is as necessary as taking a shower or brushing your teeth. According to a recent study conducted by the Millhouse center for Ear, Nose, And Throat Care, Dr. P. Roboscus has concluded that the nose is the body’s natural filter.  It eliminates pathogens in the air by the use of tiny mucous ...

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Swearing Reduces Pain

Swearing Reduces Pain3 votes / 5 Stars Have you ever fallen off a curb and hurt your leg, or gotten your finger caught in an automatic window? When you did how did you react? If you are anything like the majority of people in America you likely let out some form of expletive or profanity. Why do we do this? That is what researchers at Karoto research laboratories in Kuhmlou, Pakistan have been working on for the last six months. According to the director of pain and psychology Dr. Tsongs Tu Singh we are equipped with ways to minimize pain through speech. According to Dr. Singh, “We have done extensive research with several groups and have concluded that a simple ...

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