Home > Author Archives: Dr. I. M. Swindler (page 12)

Author Archives: Dr. I. M. Swindler

A lover of everything controversial and/or satirical. Takes nothing serious and finds a way to laugh at anything, anytime. Perhaps the smartest person on Earth but sucks at proper grammar. All geniuses have a weakness, no?

Angry Thoughts Contribute to Global Warming

Angry Thoughts Contribute to Global Warming 6 votes / 4.83 Stars Have you ever been so mad that your body heats up, your face turns red, and you start to shout? We have all been there and acted out as if there were no consequences. Oh, how wrong we all were as new studies from the prestigious Wellington Institute of Climate Change and Survival have suggested. In research conducted from June of 2013 through December 2014 Dr. Par T. Shill has shown that our angry outbursts not only endanger the lives of those around us but also all of humanity. Says Dr. Shill, “When our bodies heat up we raise our own temperature on average 10°C. Even worse our own ...

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Food Safety: Mortality Rate Among Fruit Eaters an Astonishing 100%

Food Safety: Mortality Rate Among Fruit Eaters an Astonishing 100% 3 votes / 5 Stars Nutritional safety is always important in today’s fast-paced, fast food society.  We all do the best we can to ensure we are getting the energy and the nutrients we require to keep us at our best.  Many have suggested recently that everything we need can be found in basic fruits.  This theory is very worrisome to nutritionists at the Gnawphul institute for nutritional studies in Budapest, Hungary.  Dr. Philip Honmeats has been responsible for dozens of studies over the years linking many foods to disease and death.  His groundbreaking new theory, which suggests that fruits are responsible for death amongst consumers, is taking the nutritional world ...

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10 Things You Need to Know About Ghost Safety

10 Things You Need to Know About Ghost Safety 5 votes / 5 Stars As Halloween quickly approaches, it’s important that we all learn a little bit about supernatural safety.  We have put together a partial list of safety tips and crisis points concerning ghosts and apparitions for those of you struggling to come to terms with your hauntings. No matter what you may have heard no ghost will ever take a chance on killing you. The one advantage they have over you is the fact that they’re a supernatural being and you’re not. They (Spirits) know that killing you will only cause you to become a spirit too and you will likely be angry with them for killing you. ...

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The Color Pink Linked to Outbreak in Breast Cancer

The Color Pink Linked to Outbreak in Breast Cancer 5 votes / 5 Stars A new groundbreaking study will change the way we view breast cancer forever. This vile, disgusting disease that affects so many will soon be brought to its knee’s through prevention thanks to the life-changing work being done by Dr. Kopski Fehly of the Institute for Female Studies at the prestigious Klhukuski institute in Sweeden. In a study of 200 participants consisting of both males and females. Dr. Fehly has found that wearing pink more than a couple times per month makes you 75% more likely to develop breast cancer.  Said Dr Fehly, “It is our determination that the color pink is a direct component to the development of ...

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Bullying Should be Protected Speech

Bullying Should be Protected Speech 4 votes / 5 Stars Over the last ten years, few issues in America have been more revered and beloved than ending bullying. We see musical artists, actors and actresses, politicians, and common everyday folks marching to the beat of the antibully drum. We have all decided as a people that bullying is wrong and must be stopped but did we act too quickly? Alvin Moore is freshmen at Dumont High School in Mansville, Vermont. He is a recovering bully trying to make his way in this new world. “I just don’t understand what I did wrong.” Said Moore, “If a kid wears glasses that are taped, I help him by giving him an atomic ...

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Nose pickers healthier and live longer.

Nose pickers healthier and live longer. 3 votes / 5 Stars It is maybe the biggest taboo in American culture. It is one of the fastest ways to become ostracized from the rest of society. Anyone who gets caught doing it is immediately marked as unfrindworthy. Now science shows that it is one of the healthiest things you can do for your body. It is nose picking and it is as necessary as taking a shower or brushing your teeth. According to a recent study conducted by the Millhouse center for Ear, Nose, And Throat Care, Dr. P. Roboscus has concluded that the nose is the body’s natural filter.  It eliminates pathogens in the air by the use of tiny ...

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Swearing Reduces Pain

Swearing Reduces Pain 3 votes / 5 Stars Have you ever fallen off a curb and hurt your leg, or gotten your finger caught in an automatic window? When you did how did you react? If you are anything like the majority of people in America you likely let out some form of expletive or profanity. Why do we do this? That is what researchers at Karoto research laboratories in Kuhmlou, Pakistan have been working on for the last six months. According to the director of pain and psychology Dr. Tsongs Tu Singh we are equipped with ways to minimize pain through speech. According to Dr. Singh, “We have done extensive research with several groups and have concluded that a ...

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STD Safe

STD Safe 4 votes / 5 Stars Have you ever met someone and just new you had to have Intercourse immediately? Of course you have. I am sure during each instance you asked yourself some universal questions. These questions have existed since man first began to court women; is she safe? With whom has she been in the past? If i put this in there will I be harmed? Now thanks to the new life changing product from Saftyverify™ industries those questions can be answered with a single swab and a smartphone extension. The product is called sneakitinher® and it is flying off the shelves in China and Southern Africa. You simply undress your partner and sneak one of our ...

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Kim Jong-Un releases Netflix and Chill safety video.

Kim Jong-Un releases Netflix and Chill safety video. 14 votes / 4.86 Stars North Korea’s supreme leader Kim Jong-Un has released a safety video to his people entitled “Netflix and Chill Why America is the Devil.” Though Netflix is illegal in his country the self described founder of Netflix and Chill (Un) gives a clear public service announcement on ways to remain safe while undertaking this illegal activity. Says Un, “I invent Netflix and chill to show the world the greatness of the Korean prople. Now world make my invention unsafe. Death to America! Fonzie is white devil!” Un went on to say, “All Americans are corrupt especially Mr. Miyagi. I beat him up in Japan when I was child. ...

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