Home > Author Archives: Dr. I. M. Swindler (page 4)

Author Archives: Dr. I. M. Swindler

A lover of everything controversial and/or satirical. Takes nothing serious and finds a way to laugh at anything, anytime. Perhaps the smartest person on Earth but sucks at proper grammar. All geniuses have a weakness, no?

The Colin Kaepernick you thought you knew.

The Colin Kaepernick you thought you knew. 2 votes / 5 Stars SAN FRANCISCO, California – like it or not Colin Kaepernick, the controversial backup quarterback of the San Francisco 49ers, has become a household name for sitting during the national anthem before his team’s games. Many believe him to be a disrespectful twat for these actions but if you dig below the surface you find that he is simply an emotional guy with thoughtful intentions. Those who know him best tell a story of the man, a big heart, and the effects of music on his conscience. I was riding in the car with him one day and Tommy Tutones 867-5309 came on the radio. He (Kaepernick) immediately veered ...

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Muslim Meteorologist Sues WMO Over racist Hurricane Names

Muslim Meteorologist Sues WMO Over racist Hurricane Names 3 votes / 5 Stars BRUSSELS, Belgium – Islamic meteorologist, Dr. Hassier Abdul Mohammed, has filed a lawsuit in Brussels Palais De Justice seeking to change the ‘racist’ way in which the WMO (World Meteorological Organization) names its tropical storms and hurricanes. According to Dr. Mohammad, there is a conspiracy aimed at maintaining the status quo of only Christian and Jewish names associated with the word’s most fierce natural phenomenon. These storms come from God and thus should be named after his children and not infidels. On this we will refuse to remain silent. God is great and will see us through this racist disgrace. We refuse to discuss hurricane Matthew. If ...

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Clown Activists Contemplating Lawsuit for Rights Violations

Clown Activists Contemplating Lawsuit for Rights Violations 4 votes / 5 Stars WASHINGTON D.C.- Clown lives matter? Today thousands of clowns from across the nation have descended on the Capital to protest, what they believe, are ‘silly’ laws being passed in every corner of America which intend to prevent people from dressing up as clowns. The laws come after hundreds of reports across the nation of clowns bothering and harassing children. It is such a non jovial unfairness to take away Boingo’s livelihood. If I can’t dress as a clown I will be very sad (aggressively rubs eyes). I know my rights and I can’t be told how to dress. I self-identify as a clown so you can’t stop me ...

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Clown sightings on the rise. Wookies to the rescue?

Clown sightings on the rise. Wookies to the rescue? 5 votes / 5 Stars PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania – If you have been paying attention to the news at all in the last couple of weeks I am sure you have heard stories from across the nation of grown men, dressed as clowns, bothering and threatening children. We are not sure how this became an epidemic but this activity has sparked outrage and fear from Maine to California. Police agencies, already taxed by crime and terror, lack the additional resources needed to properly investigate each new case of clown tomfoolery. In comes Archie Alflin and his team of upstart clown investigators. “Our kids are in danger and It’s time for us to ...

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Hillary blames child for getting raped

Hillary blames child for getting raped 5 votes / 5 Stars A child rape victim says she cannot forgive Hillary Clinton for defending her rapist in court 40 years ago, saying the former Democratic presidential candidate attacked her credibility despite knowing that her assailant was guilty – and  later laughed about it in a taped interview. Kathy Shelton was just 12 years old when a 41-year-old drifter raped her on the side of a desolate Arkansas road in 1975. Now, four decades later, she has agreed to be named and pictured for the first time in this Daily Mail Online exclusive because she is furious that her rapist’s defense attorney – Hillary Clinton – has been portraying herself as a ...

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Breaking down the 2016 election in simple terms

Breaking down the 2016 election in simple terms 4 votes / 5 Stars FRESNO, California – Many people throughout The United States are still struggling with their decision as to who they intend to vote for in the 2016 election. Now I know that Gary Johnson fans (whom I respect immensely), and Jill Stein fans (whom I also have a lot of respect for) want to be heard from, but in my mind (right or wrong) neither has a legitimate chance at 270 electoral votes.  So we are left with 2 candidates who have a legitimate shot at winning. We’ve broken the election down between the two major candidates as a choice not made until the voter is inside the ...

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Isis leadership : We will leave America if Trump elected.

Isis leadership : We will leave America if Trump elected. 5 votes / 5 Stars DETROIT, Michigan – Isis operatives have added their names to the long list of people threatening to leave America if Donald Trump is elected. “We will not live in a country where we are in constant fear of being subjugated to hateful actions and speech”, said Ahmed Abdul Ali Jabra Johnson Smith (General of Isis Detroit). “We hope Americans are smart enough to elect Hillary Clinton so we can continue to recruit and import terrorists, I mean peace lovers, who will help us spread our brand of love to all Americans. God is great.” If Donald Trump is elected Isis would join a long list of ...

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88 Generals Endorse Trump, Hillary Incredulous

88 Generals Endorse Trump, Hillary Incredulous 4 votes / 4 Stars WASHINGTON, D.C.- The Trump campaign on Tuesday released a list of 88 current and former generals and admirals that have given Mr. Trump their endorsement for president. This was in response to the Clinton campaign releasing lists of prominent Republicans that had endorsed the former Secretary of State. The game is afoot with endorsements dropping on a daily basis as elites offer their names and clout in an attempt to rebuild relevance in the political Superbowl season. Both campaigns touted those who endorsed them while downplaying those who endorsed their opponent. “I am very proud to have the generals”, said Donald Trump (Republican nominee). “The generals have been so ...

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Allah to Followers: If I Wanted the Infidels Dead I Would Kill Them Myself

Allah to Followers: If I Wanted the Infidels Dead I Would Kill Them Myself 5 votes / 5 Stars TEHRAN, Iran – Allah, the great and merciful God of the Muslim religion has the power to create great floods, send earthquakes to level entire cities, and use lightning to strike at will. For some unknown reason the one power Allah evidently does not have (according to his followers), is the ability to kill Islamic enemies and Infidels himself. Oops, sorry leftists, him/herself. Reports are beginning to circulate out of Tehran Iran that during a meeting of Imams discussing the treatment of infidels and their families Allah appeared and had a message for not only the people in attendance but for ...

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Truth in Politix Releases Little-Known Campaign Promises From Candidates

Truth in Politix Releases Little-Known Campaign Promises From Candidates 3 votes / 5 Stars WASHINGTON D.C. – Truth in politix, a nonpartisan political action group, has released their list of little-known campaign promises from both the Donald Trump (R) campaign, and the Hillary Clinton (D) campaign for president. Some of the promises are known to many political aficionados but others are so obscure that even the most seasoned political hacks are unaware of them. Both campaigns are pushing to get the all important independent vote and will pander relentlessly to do so. Here is a short list, with many surprises, that exist within the two campaigns. If you are aware of any other promises not listed here please feel free ...

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