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Surviving Alien Abduction 2016

Surviving Alien Abduction 2016 4 votes / 5 Stars Every passing year brings with it more tales of abduction and horrors orchestrated by our visitors from above. From simple sightings to full horrifying physical examinations our helplessness as compared to our spacely counterparts has been written and talked about since man first had the ability to think and chronicle his experiences. Recently several abduction victims have unlocked the secrets of surviving these experiences and turning the tables on these out of this world aggressors. For obvious reasons these brave sources names have been changed to protect their privacy (except for Albert Schmalzeried because screw Albert Scmalzeried). We have used their experience and insight to create this list and we all ...

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Ghost of Hitler: Stop Using Me as a Meme

Ghost of Hitler: Stop Using Me as a Meme 3 votes / 5 Stars BERLIN, Germany –  A recent late night experiment with a Ouija board in Germany has the world reliving the past in a not so positive way. Two young boys, Gideon and Abner Rosenstein, set up their “toy” inside the Temple of Abraham Jewish Center for German boys in Berlin. During the session a screaming voice came through so loud and clear everyone in the building came to investigate the commotion. According to witnesses, A full bodied apparition of Adolf Hitler stood before the boys with a chilling message. One of those who witnessed the apparition was Rabbi Sol Lowenstein, This Hitler guy is kind of a ...

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North Carolina: Screw it, You Can All Wear Diapers

North Carolina: Screw it, You Can All Wear Diapers 11 votes / 4.91 Stars DURHAM, North Carolina – News out of North Carolina has been tumultuous over the last week, to say the least. Governor Pat McCrory (R) has had his hands full attempting to pacify a large segment of his state’s residents against the changing tides of inclusive laws and rights organizations setting their sights on the Tarheel state. According to reports inside his circle, big changes are coming in the way everyday citizens can live their lives. He has had enough. He stood up and said screw it, everyone can wear diapers. We laughed for a minute but as we thought about it we realized it might be ...

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International Peace Conference Ends in Fisticuffs, Violence, and Bloodshed

International Peace Conference Ends in Fisticuffs, Violence, and Bloodshed 3 votes / 5 Stars NEW YORK, New York – Three men were arrested and 2 others were treated at a local hospital following a brawl at the 2016 International Peace conference. According to reports, the police were called by a witness after factions from two rival peace groups began battling about the best course for lasting peace.  Jerry Grey’s Peace and Love Coalition (PLC) has a following that believes strongly in the theory that peace is earned by being proactive. Tom McKracken’s Union for Lasting Peace (ULP) believes just the opposite. ULP members believe that peace can only be achieved by being reactive. Tom and Jerry have been arguing forever. ...

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Girl Scout Cookie Turf Wars Escalate to Horrific Violence

Girl Scout Cookie Turf Wars Escalate to Horrific Violence 6 votes / 4.83 Stars CHICAGO, Illinois – Chicago is notorious for its street gangs and the violence they bring, but when that violence spills over into normally peaceful areas of life the rest of the world takes notice.  Recently several troops of Girl Scouts have taken a page from the gang’s book of business and have begun escalating the cookie turf war to new heights of violence. Everyone loves Girl Scout Cookies and as such, the first scout to find the prospective cookie buyer gets the sale.  As a result, the territory with the most prospective buyers is usually controlled by the toughest troops.  Troop 357, also known by the ...

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List of Muslims who have condemned the Orlando terrorist attacks.

List of Muslims who have condemned the Orlando terrorist attacks. 4 votes / 5 Stars     The following is a list of the brave Muslims who have condemned the attacks in Orlando.     End of list.   +220

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Company Seeks to Challenge (to the Death) People Who Overuse ‘Literally’

Company Seeks to Challenge (to the Death) People Who Overuse ‘Literally’ 6 votes / 5 Stars SEATTLE, Washington – Perhaps the most often uttered, and completely idiotic, phrase in the United States is, “I’d literally kill for a cup of coffee.”  It’s heard so often in Seattle that one startup is seeking to challenge those who say it.  Seattle has two things in droves; coffee shops and suicidal people.  So what’s the plan? The Seattle-based startup, Grammatik Macht Frei, has a list of suicidal people who get paid to sit in coffee shops in downtown Seattle.  They are there to challenge those who say they’d ‘literally’ kill for a cup of coffee to a deathmatch.  The deathmatch, according to the company’s ...

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Your Self-Confidence is Likely Overinflated and Dangerous

Your Self-Confidence is Likely Overinflated and Dangerous 6 votes / 5 Stars All the self-help gurus and dating coaches these days would have you believe that self-confidence is the single most important part of your psyche.  They are most likely wrong.  Human beings have survived for as long as we have precisely because we were always wracked with self-doubt.  Now that the mantra of the days is, “fake it ’till you make it,” we have an epidemic of people who truly believe they can do it.  They cannot, and they are not perfectly capable. The law of averages tells us that not everyone can be above average.  Even if everyone is good at a particular skill, there is always half ...

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Hole In Ozone Layer Seems to Follow Ted Cruz

Hole In Ozone Layer Seems to Follow Ted Cruz 5 votes / 5 Stars OCALA, Florida – Just as the Ted Cruz campaign begins to gain momentum we are being informed of some breaking news that could shake his supporters to their core. According to Dr. Hiro Mansuta (Director of the Tokyo Renewal Ozone Legislative Legion), An anomaly has been identified in the Earth’s protective ozone layer that not only has become a dangerous phenomenon but seems to be following Ted Cruz as he campaigns around America. We have followed this disturbance on its track around the nation and it appears to show up at every Ted Cruz rally. The odds of this being a coincidence are about 1 in 1 ...

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The Big Lebowski the Most Important Teaching Film of Our Time

The Big Lebowski the Most Important Teaching Film of Our Time 4 votes / 5 Stars The Big Lebowski is often cited as one of the weirdest, or best films of the modern era.  There’s even a religion based on the teachings of its main character, The Dude.  The Coen Brothers did a fine job of making a film about nothing where nothing changes and no one wins, and making that story arch wildly entertaining.  But what you may not have noticed when watching it all those times is the strong undercurrent of life-lessons.  There are more safety / life lessons in the film than most will ever realize. For instance: If you don’t keep your doors properly locked, a ...

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