Hillary and Bill Speak at a ‘Capitalists Understanding Nationalist Tendencies’ Benefit

ASHBURN, Virginia –  More than 5,000 die-hard fans packed Edlemen Financial Field this afternoon for one of the largest rallies of the 2016 Presidential Election. Alexandria, VA  Mayor Allison Silderberg kicked off the festivities by introducing former Secretary Clinton to the throng of supporters from (C.U.N.T.), Capitalists Understanding Nationalist Tendencies (pronounced See-u-nit).

Former Secretary of State Clinton took the stage to thunderous applause and exclaimed, “I have never seen so many CUNTs in one place before in my life! (laughs) I want to thank you all  for your support because it will take the votes of every CUNT in America to help us beat Donald Trump .”

Secretary Clinton continued,

I am a CUNT at heart just like all of you and we all have our roles to play. I want to thank the CUNTs who went door to door through the wind, the rain, and the snow! I want to thank the CUNTs who put leaflets on cars in every parking lot in Ashburn! I want to thank every CUNT who tirelessly made calls on my behalf to ensure that all of you CUNTs will show up on election day and be motivated to vote! And I definitely want to thank the CUNTs who made the cookies and punch for our rally today! We wouldn’t be where we are today without all of you CUNTs and the millions of CUNTs throughout America.

The applause became deafening as Former President Bill Clinton took the microphone and began his speech. His words and tone remain elegant as ever.

Some people in the Trump Campaign have accused my wife of not being a ‘real’ CUNT. They claim she is only a CUNT when it suits her interests. Well, I have news for you. Nobody knows my wife better than I do and I am here to assure the Trump Campaign and every single American listening to my voice that my wife has been a CUNT since the day I met her. She has been a CUNT every single day of her life and has no plans to stop being a CUNT anytime soon.

In case there was any remaining doubt, Eric Pim, Cryptarchy Utilizing Nationalist Tendencies Chairman, gave the most important endorsement to date.

I could tell within five minutes of speaking with her [Clinton] that she was a one of us. It takes a CUNT to know a CUNT and she is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the greatest CUNT I have ever met.  CUNTS will not vote for Donald Trump, I am calling on all CUNTS to open up for Hillary.

The battle rages between the Clinton and Trump campaigns and this is one battle “The Donald” is losing quickly. Most of America is already in agreement with Secretary Clinton and will not be convinced anytime soon that she is not the biggest CUNT in America.

This surely will not be resolved until the election day. Donald Trump, quick to seize on an opportunity, has already weighed in on the CUNT endorsement.

I love CUNTs and CUNTs love me. They are great but not as great as they will be with me. I’m gonna make CUNTs great again. You think CUNTs are great now? Just wait until I get my hands on them.