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Tag Archives: Trump

Trump Supporter Starts Business Catering to Sanders Supporters

Trump Supporter Starts Business Catering to Sanders Supporters 6 votes / 5 Stars EAST HARTFORD, Conn – A man in Connecticut has started a business that caters to the dejected and depressed supporters of Bernie Sanders.  These former BernBots turned BernOuts are fed up.  After his disappointing loss to Clinton in Maryland, and having been removed from ballots in PA, many of his supporters are simply giving up.  Not on the campaign, not on the process, but on life.  We don’t condone suicide and think these people are clearly overreacting to an obvious fix by the Democratic party leadership, but that doesn’t stop them from taking rash action. Connecticut resident, gun owner, and entrepreneur, Eric Carson, has decided to strike while ...

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Republican Leadership Tried Reverse Psychology to Derail Trump Train

Republican Leadership Tried Reverse Psychology to Derail Trump Train 4 votes / 5 Stars SOUTH PARK, Colorado – Since November of 2015 the Republican establishment has been at war with Donald Trump. Every effort possible has been made to slow down the enthusiasm that his supporters hold and pass to others as quickly as a common contagious cold. With every waking day, it becomes more and more obvious that the more the establishment does to derail the Trump machine the more supporters the machine gains. That is until now… In a meeting of top Republican donors and politicians, a strange source of inspiration and enlightenment was unveiled. An episode of Comedy Central’s South Park featuring “Chinpokomon” was played for the ...

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Vermin Supreme the Only Candidate not Full of Shit

Vermin Supreme the Only Candidate not Full of Shit 11 votes / 5 Stars The news is all Hillary this, Trump that, Bernie the other (also Cruz, but who cares).  The worst thing about it is, every time you hear a politician speak, you know it’s a lie.  You know Sanders doesn’t know about economics because his proposals are insanely expensive.  Trump may (allegedly) know how to run a company, but does that necessarily mean he knows how to run a country?  As for Hillary, shouldn’t she be in jail?  If I’d done 1/10th what she has admitted to, I sure would be.  Those are your choices, though.  Oh, and Cruz, who will line up all the gays and whip ...

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Why Your Friends are Voting Trump

Why Your Friends are Voting Trump 7 votes / 3.86 Stars EVERYWHERE, America – We know you have asked yourself 1,000 times, ‘Why are my friends voting for Donald Trump? Are they this stupid? Why are they not as informed as I am? Why can’t they see through this?’ There are simple answers to these questions but you need to be able to open your mind and forgo your lifelong biases to understand. The main reason people support Donald Trump for president is YOU. You read that correctly. you are the problem. The silent majority of America has spent the last 15 years reading your pro-Republican pro-Democrat anti-Republican anti-Democrat nonsense on social media and silently scrolled along. We roll our eyes ...

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Cruz to Ohio and Florida Voters: Trump Died

Cruz to Ohio and Florida Voters: Trump Died 7 votes / 5 Stars COLUMBUS, OH – The dirty tricks just keep coming from the Presidential campaign of Ted Cruz. As we all know he perpetrated an act of literal sabotage against Dr. Ben Carson by telling voters, both verbally and through email, that Dr Carson had dropped out of the race to steal votes away from the candidate early on. Just this week the Cruz campaign has been caught telling voters in Hawaii that Marco Rubio had dropped out of the race in order to steal votes from the Rubio campaign. Now the most heinous of all deliberate lies has been concocted against the campaign of frontrunner Donald Trump. An ...

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Hillary and Bill Speak at a ‘Capitalists Understanding Nationalist Tendencies’ Benefit

Hillary and Bill Speak at a ‘Capitalists Understanding Nationalist Tendencies’ Benefit 7 votes / 5 Stars ASHBURN , Virginia –  More than 5,000 diehard fans packed Edlemen Financial Field this afternoon for one of the largest rallies of the 2016 Presidential Election. Alexandria, VA  Mayor Allison Silderberg kicked off the festivities by introducing former Secretary Clinton to the throng of supporters from (C.U.N.T.), Capitalists Understanding Nationalist Tendencies (pronounced See-u-nit). Former Secretary of State Clinton took the stage to thunderous applause and exclaimed, “I have never seen so many CUNTs in one place before in my life! (laughs) I want to thank you all  for your support because it will take the votes of every CUNT in America to help us beat ...

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Donald Trump Actually the Outer God Nyarlathotep

Donald Trump Actually the Outer God Nyarlathotep 45 votes / 4.47 Stars Insiders have determined that Donald Trump is hiding a dark secret. One of Lovecraftian proportions, that we can only hope is not true.  If true, the human race will have some reckoning to do shortly.  As it turns out, most of the Outer Gods were banished to the stars, but one remains here, leading the cults of the dark ones.  He remains walking the earth, unlike the Great Old Ones who dreaming, sleep and wait.  He remains with the expressed aim of both serving Azathoth and spreading madness here on earth.  He prefers madness to suffering and death because it’s more entertaining to drive a man mad than to kill ...

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List of People Fleeing the Country if Trump Elected

List of People Fleeing the Country if Trump Elected 4 votes / 5 Stars A tremendous number of people have publicly stated their desire to flee the country if Donald Trump is elected. Their reasons are many and varied, but the list is growing. Below is a partial and ongoing list of celebrities (because, who cares about the little guy) who have made it known that Trump is not their guy. Reverend Al Sharpton – “If Donald Trump is the nominee, I’m open to support anyone [else], while I’m also reserving my ticket to get out of here if he wins, only because he’d probably have me deported anyway…” CEO Barry Diller – He plans to move or join the resistance. ...

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Donald Trump Set to Trademark the Word ‘Great’

Donald Trump Set to Trademark the Word ‘Great’ 5 votes / 5 Stars In another bold election cycle move, the ever opportunistic Donald Trump has petitioned to trademark the word “great.”  The often overused adjective of choice for Mr. Trump is now causing more publicity on the legal front. Our phones are ringing off the hook and everyone wants The Donald for interviews.  This has been absolutely great!  Sonofa… I think I owe The Donald a dollar now. – Joshua Hixenbaugh (Trump campaign advisor). Many folks have been very vocal in opposition to Mr. Trump’s latest foray into trademark and copyright law. You can’t just trademark a single word, especially one that has been in the dictionary since day 1. ...

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Hillary’s Most Damning Emails Recently Released.

Hillary’s Most Damning Emails Recently Released. 5 votes / 5 Stars WASHINGTON D.C. – The Federal Bureau of Investigations this morning released the most embarrassing emails yet retrieved from Hillary Clinton’s private email servers. According to reports from inside the F.B.I’s Electronic Communications Division, these emails show a cooperation between Ms. Clinton acting as Secretary of State and Prince Bundabih Hadheez from the small country of Bahmudi. According to these reports Prince Hadheez had sent various emails to the Secretary of State’s private email account seeking assistance with cashing checks from the Central bank of Bahmudi. According to the emails Prince Hadheez was unable to withdraw his money due to issues with his bank. The only way to retrieve his ...

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