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FAQs

Below are some of your more frequently asked questions.  While some of them are fairly silly, some are not too bad.  We’ll try to prioritize them from more serious to stupid.

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  • 1. Is Dr. Swindler a real Doctor?
     

    If you mean, did he attend a university and receive a postgraduate degree giving him the title Ph.D., then yes.  He has a doctorate from the University of Ridiculous Mythologies.  He is an expert in several disciplines including, but not limited to BS, silly human behavior and cognitive dissonance.  He's not a gynecologist, but he will have a gander.

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  • 2. Where do you get your article ideas?
     

    We are consummate observers of the world around us, and we feel that the world is simply too unsafe.  It's obvious that something needs to be done, and if not us, who?  With the Department of Homeland Security, we completely agree.  If you see something, say something.  We are simply doing our duty to our fellow man.  When you read an article here, rest assured that what's in it will keep you safe from the danger it outlines.

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  • 3. You mentioned my name in an article. Why?
     

    Most likely because you did something stupid or unsafe.  Stop it.

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  • 4. I think you liabeled me. Can I sue you?
     

    We'd appreciate it if you didn't.  Satire is protected speech, especially since you'd have to be some kind of moron to read anything you saw here and think it was serious (except for the things that are serious).  If you do sue us, we'll counter sue for pain and suffering, and that is some real trouble for you.  Best if you learn to take a joke and move on with life not being offended by everything.

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  • 5. How can I contact Immediate Safety?
     

    Try the contact form.  It's on the page called Contact IS.  If you just looked up, you'd see that link.  Did you look up yet?  Yeah, that...

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  • 6. Are you guys hiring?
     

    No.

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  • 7. Can I give you feedback on your content?
     

    Sure, but odds are we won't read it, and odds are even worse that we'll respond.  If you scroll past the related articles section on each article, there is a comment block.  Use it.  We're thrilled to hear from you [/sarcasm].

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  • 8. What is your privacy policy?
     

    We don't care who you are.  We don't ask who you are.  Hell, we wouldn't know you if we ran you over with our cars.  How private is that?  Pretty private, if you ask us.

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  • 9. Are you available for interview?
     

    Maybe.  It depends on who you are, and what you want.  Send an email to info@immediatesafety.org and we'll get back to you.  Make sure to put something like, "Interview Request" in the subject line, or it'll get lost in the shuffle of hate mail and penis enlargement scams.

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  • 10. Do you have archived articles?
     

    We don't un-publish anything.  We're not proud, even our shitty work stays put.  Search for whatever you like on the site, and if we've covered it, you'll find it.  Likewise, you can use categories and tags to search.  We tag almost everything, and our categories are pretty self explanatory.

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  • 11. What lame social media sites do you use?
     

    We have links to the social media sites on which you can find us in the top right of the main page, and on nearly every page on the site.  Click, find, follow.  For now, we're on the following sites:

    You can also pull our RSS feed, if you want to read our stuff on the go.  We're honestly not sure what RSS is for, but we assume it's for people who abbreviate 'you' to 'u,' and 'you are' and 'your' to 'ur.'  You know, really busy people...

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