4.7/5 - (3 votes)

San Francisco, California –

Cannibalism has failed every time it’s been tried. No society has ever sustained itself on a diet which included human meat. Does that mean living in a country where eating your neighbors legally is wrong? Well, not necessarily,  according to DNC Spokesman Gordon Brushard –

Democratic cannibalism is not the cannibalism you have read about in history books. Sure we eat people but we are more edgy, nutriciously conscious, and trendy. This is not your fathers cannibalism. – Brushard

Though cannibalism has always failed, we are not aware of Democratic cannibalism ever being tried anywhere on Earth. Proponents point to a focus on nutrition and recycling as ways that improve on yesteryears failed attempts, and a bright future in people eating.

It’s great for the economy because you hunt and prepare your own meat. It’s great for population control, it keeps us in better shape through leaner cuts of meat, and it’s just plain delicious – Brushard

protester who eats people
The movement grows

The new Democratic cannibalism plan has been slipped into the curriculum at several university campuses across the nation and the results have been more than Washington could have ever asked for. Students not only support that plan but have offered up their own meat for the cause.

This is not normal canibalism, its democratic canibalism. If you’re against it you need to check your privilege you racist, sexist, xenophobic, old white Male! – Cloe Zhe (San Francisco University student)

It is impossible to know if the DNC or its Students across the nation are right. With the backing of tens, if not hundreds of thousands of students throughout the United States it appears that Democratic Socialism, err I mean, Democratic Cannibalism is here to stay for some time. Get your forks ready.



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