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In Effort to Prevent Future Beatings, United Airlines Implements Passenger Safewords

In Effort to Prevent Future Beatings, United Airlines Implements Passenger Safewords1 vote / 5 Stars CHICAGO, IL – Embattled United Airlines announced today that it would make changes to passenger boarding procedures to prevent future beatings.  The airline, as most people are currently aware, recently dragged a passenger off an overbooked flight after a severe beating.  Rather than force their employees to deplane and find other accommodations, the airline opted to deplane a paying passenger by any means necessary.  Apparently, those necessary means involved police, a beating, dragging, and medical issues. The airline has been tight-lipped during the freefall its stock has undergone since the incident.  They’ve finally announced that they have every intention of rectifying the situation the way ...

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CZ Boss Phone Changing Prisons Through Keistering

CZ Boss Phone Changing Prisons Through Keistering3 votes / 5 Stars CINCINNATI, Ohio – An idea whose time has finally come. The world was recently introduced to the ‘3 in 1 Long-CZ J8 Beat The Boss’ phone and has left us wondering how we ever lived without it. It is the smallest phone in the world and boasts it’s “beat the boss” feature. For those of you who have never been to prison, The “B.O.S.S” is an acronym for Body Orifice Security Scanner. The “B.O.S.S” is used to scan prison inmates bodies for anything hidden through ‘keistering’. If you are unaware of what keistering is rent the movie “Get Hard,” and prepare for an eye-opening experience. By all accounts, this ...

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Riots in Punxsutawney as Anti-Winter Activists Reject Phil’s Prediction

Riots in Punxsutawney as Anti-Winter Activists Reject Phil’s Prediction3 votes / 5 Stars Winter is not a popular season, especially in the north.  Most people just want it to end which is why Groundhog’s Day hold hope for many.  This year, however, the rodent celebrity of  Punxsutawney, PA had other things in mind.  At roughly 7:25 AM on the 2nd of February, Phil, or Punxsutawney Phil as he is better known to the world, predicted six more weeks of winter.  Reactions were mixed, but it would seem that anger sometimes takes a while to reach a full boil. This year has been an emotional one already, with half the country upset over the presidential election results.  Among the rest is a ...

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ODNI Releases Assessment of Russian Hacking that’s Completely Useless

ODNI Releases Assessment of Russian Hacking that’s Completely Useless2 votes / 5 Stars Washington DC – The Office of the Director of National Intelligence (ODNI) released a public, unclassified version of their Russian hacking assessment titled Background to “Assessing Russian Activities and Intentions in Recent US Elections”: The Analytic Process and Cyber Incident Attribution.  The title is as dry as they could make it, perhaps as a means of turning people away from actually reading it.  We are including it here in its entirety so that you can read it as well, should you wish.  If not, we have taken the liberty of digesting it into bite-sized bullet points.  Here they are in no particular order Some people on Twitter who support ...

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POLL : The American Media says voters have buyers remorse. If you had to vote again today who would you vote for?

POLL : The American Media says voters have buyers remorse. If you had to vote again today who would you vote for?7 votes / 5 Stars     +50

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John Glenn Deathbed Confession – The Earth Is Flat

John Glenn Deathbed Confession – The Earth Is Flat6 votes / 5 Stars   That actually didn’t happen. Do you really believe the Earth is flat? Seriously? +140

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Is Pizzagate Real Or Is Pizzagate Fake News : The History, Greater Implications, And Reality

Is Pizzagate Real Or Is Pizzagate Fake News : The History, Greater Implications, And Reality44 votes / 4.8 Stars If you haven’t read the previous article, go there first.  This article assumes some of the facts outlined in that article are understood.  Likewise, if you would like to be updated when we publish new information on this topic, let us know below.  Feel free to comment and tell us what we got wrong, and link us to new information we may not know about. Given the fact that #pizzagate is trending on Google, Twitter, Facebook and just about everywhere trends are tracked, those involved are either wondering how it got this bad and working on major damage control, or they’re ...

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What is Pizzagate and How Might it Change the Shape of America

What is Pizzagate and How Might it Change the Shape of America63 votes / 4.8 Stars WASHINGTON, D.C.-  First of all, this investigation and what it will uncover is not over.  Far from it.  We will update this article 20 times a day if necessary.  Take it seriously.  To get an email when we update this article, put your email in the box below.  You’ll get no more than one message per day and we won’t try to sell you anything. If you’ve already read this article, we decided to start a new one which can be found here. I’m not going to slowly build to a punchline here. This is not a story or any attempt at satirical humor, though ...

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Vermin Supreme: A Peaceful Protest Erupts Alongside Violent Ones

Vermin Supreme: A Peaceful Protest Erupts Alongside Violent Ones6 votes / 5 Stars It’s no secret that we have enthusiastically endorsed the candidacy of Vermin Supreme.  We felt that his platform was the only one firmly rooted in reality.  While he didn’t win the election, we feel his message was heard and may play an important part in the discussion going forward.  This is evidenced by the number of pony protestors who were not hired by George Soros to incite violence and burn things.   Instead, they ventured out on their own to make only sensible demands.  If you’re still not familiar, read on. More people are becoming aware of zombies and the existential threat they pose.  Most presidents have ...

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Hillary Clintons Deceased Enemies List.

Hillary Clintons Deceased Enemies List.15 votes / 4.9 Stars Who stands up for them? Watch the video below to put some faces with the names. Help #GetTheWordOut   +520

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