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Tag Archives: health

Charleston Man Fired Due to Flatulence

Charleston Man Fired Due to Flatulence 4 votes / 5 Stars CHARLESTON, West Virginia – A battle of prodigious magnitude is dawning at a diminutive regency office in the suburbs of Charleston West Virginia. The struggle lies between a man, Jorge Borgious, his former employer, and the union that was supposed to be representing his interests, after being terminated due to repeated violations of (Kanahwa Counties’s ) all too strict flatulence policies. According to the lawsuit filed recently by Mr. Borgious he has a condition, Gerd (Gastroesophageal reflux disease), that by some accounts should protect him under the ADA (American’s with Disabilities Act). According to his attorney, Ayer Reeks Esq, laws were broken in the termination of Mr. Borgious. My ...

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Ohio Man Celebrates 480 Months Heroin-Free

Ohio Man Celebrates 480 Months Heroin-Free 6 votes / 5 Stars YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio –  Perseverant, indefatigable, resolute. One man stands as a testament to the power of the soul over addiction and adds another slash to the wall of persistence. Julio Brown May look like an ordinary Youngstown, Ohio resident but you can’t judge a book by its cover. On March 11 of this year, Julio set a new personal milestone in his life by hitting his 480th-month being heroin free. It get’s harder everyday. This is no picnic. Nobody pats me on the back for this but I do it for me. It would be easy for me to fall off the wagon. Maybe then people would pay more ...

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Uber has no restroom hand washing policy

Uber has no restroom hand washing policy 3 votes / 5 Stars Investigations often bring to light interesting facts not related to the original investigation. This was the case when we at I.S. began investigating Uber (The quasi-nationwide taxi service) and their hiring practices due to recent issues with employees. What we uncovered turned out to be far darker, and far more sinister than anything we anticipated. According to A former employee, and Uber’s own users handbook we have learned that the transportation giant has no hand washing policy. According to a current employee, whom we shall refer to as Peter, the company has been aware for some time that the automobiles are filled with bacteria and potential illness and failed ...

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Leading Cause of Death in the US/UK: Being a Rock Star Over 45?

Leading Cause of Death in the US/UK: Being a Rock Star Over 45? 5 votes / 5 Stars With the recent deaths of notable rock and roll celebrities like David Bowie and Glenn Frey, and the repeated news of deaths from the music community on a daily basis, many musicians are starting to ask questions.  The most common question is some variant of ‘WTF is going on with musicians?’ The fervor started with the death of Long John Hunter on the 4th of January, and hasn’t let up since.  We’ve lost such notables as Lemmy Kilminster, Dan Hicks, Maurice White, Paul Katner, and the aforementioned Bowie and Frey.  The first two months of 2016 have been horrible for music lovers everywhere. ...

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Facebook to Allow Customers to Block Political Nonsense

Facebook to Allow Customers to Block Political Nonsense 7 votes / 5 Stars BOSTON, Mass – According to inside reports Facebook is set to release an update to their platform that will allow users to block political speech from entering their personal feeds. This new revolutionary software named Politoff, will gather keywords that are usually used in political posts and block them from users who would rather not be bothered by their friend’s enthusiasm toward their political parties and causes. We all have friends who we enjoy on our Facebook friends list that post political garbage way too much. Even when no  one likes or comments on their posts they cannot fight the urge to shower us with their nonsensical ...

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Spit-Talkers: Annoyance, or Public Health Menace?

Spit-Talkers: Annoyance, or Public Health Menace? 4 votes / 5 Stars Some people spit when they talk.  To those of us who don’t, it’s an annoyance, especially considering the number of times we need to make excuses to end conversations quickly or avoid conversation altogether.  Hiding behind the annoyance factor, is something far more sinister.  Spit, as it turns out, is really, really nasty. Human saliva is full of all manner of bacteria.  In fact, there are typically between 500 and 650 different species of bacteria in the average human mouth.  If one were to scrape all the plaque in the average mouth off the teeth, there would be in the neighborhood of 20 billion microbes in it.  ‘Billion’ is ...

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MTV’s “Kids On Drugs” Sparks Outrage

MTV’s “Kids On Drugs” Sparks Outrage 6 votes / 5 Stars MTV, the once great leader of the music revolution, is again taking reality television to the next level of shock theater. Coming in the fall of 2016 we will see what happens to children as they abuse drugs in the new MTV reality thriller entitled “Kids On Drugs”. The show revolves around four 13 year old children who have found drugs at a young age and get into mischief as they try to find new ways to finance their habits. Many of you will remember Amber from season 2 of “Teenage Moms”, also on the MTV network. The cameras follow Amber as she tries to juggle being a single mom ...

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Energy Drinks Lead to Dressing Like a Douche

Energy Drinks Lead to Dressing Like a Douche 6 votes / 4.33 Stars SCOTTSDALE, Arizona – Consumption of energy drinks is growing exponentially, especially among young men with a penchant for acting stupid, dressing stupidly, and doing stupid things.  There is now compelling evidence that it’s not just the dress that leads to the lifestyle, but the drinks.  People always note that douchebags typically talk about or are seen with energy drinks.  New evidence suggests that the link is more than just correlation. As it turns out, human beings are herd animals, and as such continuously seek approval from the herd.  People who enjoy energy drinks use that fact as a rallying point.  In any societal group that revolves around a ...

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Feds to Legalize Marijuana to Stop Campus Demonstrations

Feds to Legalize Marijuana to Stop Campus Demonstrations 5 votes / 5 Stars WASHINGTON DC – The US House of Representatives is expected to pass a bill related to veteran’s healthcare.  It’s no surprise that they would, given the public popularity of veterans issues.  Bills like that are called ‘cream-puffs’ due to the simplicity of getting a majority to pass them.  During the amendment process, a provision was slipped into the bill which would be a defacto ban on the DoJ’s ability to enforce the nation’s marijuana laws. When asked about this provision, Rep. Jason Smith, (R) Missouri, gave the following statement. This campus protest thing is really getting out of hand.  We figure the only thing college kids like ...

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Use of Word ‘Kardashian’ Shown to Cause Drastic Drop in IQ

Use of Word ‘Kardashian’ Shown to Cause Drastic Drop in IQ 5 votes / 4.8 Stars STANFORD – Scientists with the legendary Center for Advanced Study in Intellectual Sciences at Stanford University study human intellect.  They test all facets of the human ability to process information, and measure intelligence in a number of different ways.  A team at the center was recently surprised to learn that how people use their words plays a large part in the outward manifestation of intellect.  In some cases, the use of specific words has a marked effect on actual IQ.  For instance, expanding one’s vocabulary to include words not previously known can improve IQ.  Use of other words, however, can have a deleterious effect on ...

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