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Tag Archives: legislation

Clown Activists Contemplating Lawsuit for Rights Violations

Clown Activists Contemplating Lawsuit for Rights Violations 4 votes / 5 Stars WASHINGTON D.C.- Clown lives matter? Today thousands of clowns from across the nation have descended on the Capital to protest, what they believe, are ‘silly’ laws being passed in every corner of America which intend to prevent people from dressing up as clowns. The laws come after hundreds of reports across the nation of clowns bothering and harassing children. It is such a non jovial unfairness to take away Boingo’s livelihood. If I can’t dress as a clown I will be very sad (aggressively rubs eyes). I know my rights and I can’t be told how to dress. I self-identify as a clown so you can’t stop me ...

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Clown sightings on the rise. Wookies to the rescue?

Clown sightings on the rise. Wookies to the rescue? 5 votes / 5 Stars PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania – If you have been paying attention to the news at all in the last couple of weeks I am sure you have heard stories from across the nation of grown men, dressed as clowns, bothering and threatening children. We are not sure how this became an epidemic but this activity has sparked outrage and fear from Maine to California. Police agencies, already taxed by crime and terror, lack the additional resources needed to properly investigate each new case of clown tomfoolery. In comes Archie Alflin and his team of upstart clown investigators. “Our kids are in danger and It’s time for us to ...

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Congress Proposes ‘Rape Free Zone’ Legislation to Curb Sexual Assault

Congress Proposes ‘Rape Free Zone’ Legislation to Curb Sexual Assault 12 votes / 5 Stars WASHINGTON, DC – Rape is an issue on the minds of many women and men across the Unites States, and our congress has finally started to take notice.  Freshman congresswoman, Norma Torres (D), California, has seen the horrors that grip society from coast to coast related to America’s apparent rape culture and refuses to allow it to continue. She has drafted legislation in conjunction with feminist interests to take a page from the anti-gun movement.  The proposal is to make rape even more illegal in certain ‘rape free’ zones. Like gun free zones, rape free zones will have certain default locations, as well as leaving ...

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Feds Mandate: Product Labels Require Person to Read Warnings To You

Feds Mandate: Product Labels Require Person to Read Warnings To You 3 votes / 5 Stars In a rare and stunning congressional victory for safety, congress has passed a safety law which mandates not only that all products sport larger and more thorough warning labels, but that each product come with an actual person to read those warning labels to the purchaser.  We here at IS view this legislation as a win, because now no one can be caught off guard by difficult to understand warnings and safety information. As a provision of the labeling requirements, warning labels must take up a minimum of 20% of the surface area of the packaging.  This number was chosen because it represents one whole side of ...

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Florida To Hold Prisoner Purchase Promotion

Florida To Hold Prisoner Purchase Promotion 6 votes / 5 Stars TALLAHASSEE, Fl-  State officials in Florida are under scrutiny today after unveiling a new plan that would allow private citizens to purchase the remainder of prisoners sentences. In a plan they call ‘Neighborhood Watch,’ the prisoners will be transferred to private homes, provided these homes have the necessary equipment (ankle bracelet and monitor) to prohibit the prisoner from leaving the property. This is modern day slavery. People are not supposed to be able to buy people. We have rules and laws to prevent this. Florida must be stopped – Jade Brown,  Professor, UCF The administration in Florida points to overpopulated facilities and the cost of feeding the growing number ...

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Feds to Legalize Marijuana to Stop Campus Demonstrations

Feds to Legalize Marijuana to Stop Campus Demonstrations 5 votes / 5 Stars WASHINGTON DC – The US House of Representatives is expected to pass a bill related to veteran’s healthcare.  It’s no surprise that they would, given the public popularity of veterans issues.  Bills like that are called ‘cream-puffs’ due to the simplicity of getting a majority to pass them.  During the amendment process, a provision was slipped into the bill which would be a defacto ban on the DoJ’s ability to enforce the nation’s marijuana laws. When asked about this provision, Rep. Jason Smith, (R) Missouri, gave the following statement. This campus protest thing is really getting out of hand.  We figure the only thing college kids like ...

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Easy Open Kraft Mac & Cheese Box Bad for Self Esteem, Leads to Suicides

Easy Open Kraft Mac & Cheese Box Bad for Self Esteem, Leads to Suicides 4 votes / 5 Stars Macaroni and cheese is a popular food item.  Most people prefer a homemade concoction of cheeses and pasta, but many companies make instant or simple versions of this dish for the do-it-yourselfer.  Kraft is one of those companies, and arguably the most popular.  Despite its utter lack of taste and absence of nutritional value, it is consumed by the ton on a daily basis, but does that convenience have a dark side? , suicide is among the leading causes of accidental death in most age categories.  Even though we don’t know how the CDC can say something done on purpose was ...

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Legislation Should Always Have Safety In Mind

Legislation Should Always Have Safety In Mind 3 votes / 5 Stars Let’s face it.  Our legislators are generally unsafe people.  As such, they tend to pass unsafe legislation.  For instance, of the 30 bills recently before the 114th Congress, only eight of them even contain the word safety.  We here at IS feel that nearly every bill could stand to have more safety in it.  There is a bill under consideration titled: H.R.3192 – Homebuyers Assistance Act.  Don’t you think that part of the assistance these homebuyers could use is perhaps making their homes safer than they were? If we convince Congress that safety is important, they’ll take it seriously, and then it will be important.  Think about a society ...

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