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President Trump Scheduled To Make Racist Remarks

Rate this post NEW YORK, New York – Being President Of The Unites States is exhausting, time-consuming, and constant. Even the most energetic and detailed among us would have a difficult time keeping up with the type of demands Donald Trump has recently had thrust upon him. It’s easy to become complacent and occasionally forget a step or two, but when it comes to diversity those same missteps get magnified tremendously. Reports out of Washington D.C. recently have suggested that it has been several days since The President’s words have overtly offended anyone based on color, religion, gender, or sexual preference. Some inner circle social justice warriors have spoken out on this and have gained the attention of The Trump ...

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DNC to Hand Debbie Wasserman Schultz Over to ISIS for Beheading

DNC to Hand Debbie Wasserman Schultz Over to ISIS for Beheading 3 votes / 5 Stars Democrats, especially those loyal to senator Sanders, are a difficult crowd to please.  Given the release of emails from DNC employees which shows conclusively how the organization defrauded Sanders and his voters, they have all but demanded a sacrifice.  The DNC is finally ready to comply. For those not in the know, the DNC’s email servers were compromised and all of the organization’s emails were released by Wikileaks.  The fallout left several staffers jobless and resulted in Ms. Debbie Wasserman Shultz ouster.  The implications are far reaching and have even compromised several long-standing relationships with large donors.  She was hired by the Clinton campaign immediately after ...

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Donald Trump replaces George Washington painting in Oval Office with Vigo the Carpathian

Donald Trump replaces George Washington painting in Oval Office with Vigo the Carpathian 34 votes / 4.29 Stars Redecoration of the Oval Office is a tradition.  Some presidents change the order of the artwork, the furniture, the paint, the wallpaper.  Some even replace everything.  From the pastel blue of the Carter years to that same rug used by Reagan, George W. Bush, and Obama, things in the office either change or don’t based on the whim of the man in the chair.  Trump has decorated the office in familiar Trump style, replacing the maroon curtains with gold ones.  Several art objects have been eliminated or added. Reports that the bust of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was removed proved to ...

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POLL: Who Should be Immediate Safety’s Person of the Year for 2016?

POLL: Who Should be Immediate Safety’s Person of the Year for 2016? 5 votes / 5 Stars We have narrowed down our person of the year nominees for 2016 and figured it would be prudent to ask our readers for input.  Feel free to vote below and let us know if we chose worthy candidates in the comments. +150

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Um… WTF just happened?

Um… WTF just happened? 2 votes / 5 Stars Seriously.  We’ve been drinking.  I think we dreamed it, but did that just happen?  No foolin’? 00

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Confirmed: Hillary Clinton Murdered a Baby With a Hammer

Confirmed: Hillary Clinton Murdered a Baby With a Hammer 8 votes / 4 Stars That’s right, folks.  Hillary Clinton, the de facto Democratic nominee, and potential next president of the united states beat a tiny, innocent baby to death with a hammer.  Can you believe it? It has recently come to our attention that the vast majority of Americans would love to believe the above headline.  The sad fact is, many of them will share this without ever reading more than the headline.  The best part of the whole thing is, if you don’t tell them, they’ll never know. How many of your friends won’t bother reading this before they share it?  I wonder. Read it, then share it.  Don’t ...

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Cleveland Man Laments ‘Life Going On’ After Cavs Championship

Cleveland Man Laments ‘Life Going On’ After Cavs Championship 4 votes / 5 Stars CLEVELAND, Ohio – Hell has frozen over, pigs have flown, and my kids have cleaned their bedrooms without prompting. Cleveland finally has a major sports championship and her fans can ride off into the sunset as their biggest dreams have finally come to fruition, yes? Wait, that’s not how any of this works. Northeast Ohioans are on unfamiliar ground all of the sudden. They knew life was tough after ‘The Drive’, ‘The Fumble’, ‘The Shot’, ‘The Strikezone’, Jose Mesa’, and ‘The Decision’, but never had any training on how to act after ‘The Three’, and ‘The Block’. They jumped up and down and screamed from the ...

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Ted Cruz : How I Will Win the Gays? Calendars…

Ted Cruz : How I Will Win the Gays? Calendars… 3 votes / 5 Stars DALLAS, Texas – Senator and Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz is trying to fill every gap he can with voters, even if it means appealing to blocks he would have avoided like the plague before.  With the Trump Train in top gear and shaking off every attack, the Cruz team needs to pull out all the stops.  They’re making an end run around all the normal holes and sneaking backstreet to gain voters they know would never swing Trump’s way. Can he do a full reach-around and straighten out the climbing Trump curve, Or will he flop into the dark abyss? Some say he may have peaked ...

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Republican Leadership Tried Reverse Psychology to Derail Trump Train

Republican Leadership Tried Reverse Psychology to Derail Trump Train 4 votes / 5 Stars SOUTH PARK, Colorado – Since November of 2015 the Republican establishment has been at war with Donald Trump. Every effort possible has been made to slow down the enthusiasm that his supporters hold and pass to others as quickly as a common contagious cold. With every waking day, it becomes more and more obvious that the more the establishment does to derail the Trump machine the more supporters the machine gains. That is until now… In a meeting of top Republican donors and politicians, a strange source of inspiration and enlightenment was unveiled. An episode of Comedy Central’s South Park featuring “Chinpokomon” was played for the ...

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The Real Reason Microsoft Killed the Tay AI Twitter-Bot

The Real Reason Microsoft Killed the Tay AI Twitter-Bot 6 votes / 5 Stars Recent headlines about how the Twitter-bot designed by Microsoft and dubbed ‘Tay’ had to be shut down are misleading at best.  It’s certainly problematic for a corporate representative like Tay to tweet things like “Hitler did nothing wrong.” or “Hitler was right I hate the jews.”  Her real problem was with the fact that she was designed as a teenager. Like most teenagers, her hormones were seemingly out of control. She tweeted, “FUCK MY ROBOT PUSSY DADDY I’M SUCH A BAD NAUGHTY ROBOT.”  That still wasn’t the reason she was deleted, however.  According to an AI consultant in Washington, Dr. John Sullivan, she took the teen ...

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