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Lego 50 Shades of Grey Drawing Criticism, Backlash

Lego 50 Shades of Grey Drawing Criticism, Backlash51 votes / 5 Stars  Travellers Tales inc. (TT Games), the software giant behind the all popular Lego video game collection, finds itself under fire this week after concept art was released for its new playable action series, “Lego 50 Shades of Grey”. According to Burton Prescott (TT Games President of Development and acquisitions), this will be an entirely new experience in Lego style gaming.  Our fans are growing up and need content that grows with them. 50 Shades is the most robust enviroment we have ever created, and gives the user full control of an expanded 50 Shades universe full of ‘A list’ celebrities and big names from the past. Lego 50 Shades ...

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CZ Boss Phone Changing Prisons Through Keistering

CZ Boss Phone Changing Prisons Through Keistering3 votes / 5 Stars CINCINNATI, Ohio – An idea whose time has finally come. The world was recently introduced to the ‘3 in 1 Long-CZ J8 Beat The Boss’ phone and has left us wondering how we ever lived without it. It is the smallest phone in the world and boasts it’s “beat the boss” feature. For those of you who have never been to prison, The “B.O.S.S” is an acronym for Body Orifice Security Scanner. The “B.O.S.S” is used to scan prison inmates bodies for anything hidden through ‘keistering’. If you are unaware of what keistering is rent the movie “Get Hard,” and prepare for an eye-opening experience. By all accounts, this ...

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President Trump To Adorn commemorative Cheetos Bag

President Trump To Adorn commemorative Cheetos Bag2 votes / 3 Stars COLUMBUS, Ohio – A big announcement is expected soon from the Frito-Lay corporation regarding our newly elected President Donald J. Trump. According to reports, a new partnership has been formed which will allow The President to appear on specially designed Cheetos® Puffs snack packages. A spokesman close to Pepsico (Which owns Frito-Lay, the manufacturer of Cheetos®) claims, “Orange is the color of our dreams,” will be the new tag line for the Cheetos® ‘Presidential Puffs’ snack brand.  Sales of Cheetos® have skyrocketed since President Trump was coined ‘Cheeto Jesus’ by Republican political strategist Rick Wilson in a rant he posted on Twitter in mid-June 2016. This partnership seems a ...

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Walmart to Replace Stockers With Robots, Reactions Mixed on Stangflip strategy

Walmart to Replace Stockers With Robots, Reactions Mixed on Stangflip strategy3 votes / 5 Stars BENTONVILLE, Arkansas – The Walmart corporation, the largest retailer in the world, is preparing to replace more than half of their overnight shelve stocking staff with new super robots created by Reagent light Industries. The move, which looks to trim several hundred thousand jobs through the U.S. called Stangflip, is a must for the retail giant trying to make ends meet in the new fiscal realities that have been thrust upon us all. ” We have been testing the (Walbots) for about a month now with great success,” said James Plunk, chief operating officer of Walmart Human Resources and acquisitions. These Walbots go through training ...

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Acclaim set to release followup to “Guitar Hero” with “Cowbell Hero”

Acclaim set to release followup to “Guitar Hero” with “Cowbell Hero”4 votes / 5 Stars TIMPUEY, Hong Kong – The Acclaim corporation is set to make one of the biggest video game releases in recent memory next week with the follow-up to its trend-setting industry giant “Guitar Hero.” It’s a new twist on the music game genre, called “Cowbell Hero.” We have found that many of our customers want to play the guitar but lack the intelligence or dexterity to use the guitar shaped controllers our games use. We figured even a complete idiot could play the cowbell. Advanced sales are through the roof and we will not be able to keep up with demand. Skill less people are a ...

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Mayor Emanuel to Announce ‘Guns for Jordans’ Initiative

Mayor Emanuel to Announce ‘Guns for Jordans’ Initiative4 votes / 5 Stars CHICAGO, Illinois- Mayor Rahm Emanuel has scheduled a major press conference for next week to introduce the newest and grandest idea to get guns off of the streets of Chicago. His “Guns For Jordans” campaign is a bold and audacious move to get us one step closer to a gun free Chicago, and eventually Illinois. We’ve had a hard time getting guns from gang-bangers. They like the additional protection that guns bring.  I hear the only thing they like more is Jordans.  I have struck a deal with Nike that will get thousands of guns off of the streets. – Mayor Emanuel Many citizens of Chicago are upset ...

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What Your Pizza Crust Choice Says About You

What Your Pizza Crust Choice Says About You4 votes / 5 Stars We all love pizza (unless there is something wrong with us).  Everyone has topping preferences, and some even have sauce preferences.  Pizza is so beloved that even those who can’t eat cheese and gluten have options.  We’ll bet you weren’t aware of the fact that the crust you choose can tell others about your personality.  Below is a partial list of crust choices and what they mean for your psychological profile. Thin Crust – This pastry like, flaky, crust is odd for pizza, because it’s usually found in desserts.  People who prefer it don’t like to be weighed down with all kinds of unnecessary structure and rules. The ...

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Air in Beijing an Effective Industrial Solvent

Air in Beijing an Effective Industrial Solvent4 votes / 5 Stars BEIJING, China – The air in Beijing is highly toxic.  It’s so bad, it makes 1980s Los Angeles look like a fresh, spring meadow.  There is an up side to the toxicity, however.  An entrepreneur in the city has discovered that the air itself is a highly effective paint remover and general solvent.  A man who locals call Yúchǔn De Húndàn (愚蠢的混蛋) had begun cleaning the air using a series of filters he designed, specifically to make sleeping easier.  The castoff from his filters was collected and accidentally mixed with alcohol from the whiskey he was drinking.  To hear him tell it, I was drinking whiskey because my life in ...

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Energy Drinks Lead to Dressing Like a Douche

Energy Drinks Lead to Dressing Like a Douche6 votes / 4.3 Stars SCOTTSDALE, Arizona – Consumption of energy drinks is growing exponentially, especially among young men with a penchant for acting stupid, dressing stupidly, and doing stupid things.  There is now compelling evidence that it’s not just the dress that leads to the lifestyle, but the drinks.  People always note that douchebags typically talk about or are seen with energy drinks.  New evidence suggests that the link is more than just correlation. As it turns out, human beings are herd animals, and as such continuously seek approval from the herd.  People who enjoy energy drinks use that fact as a rallying point.  In any societal group that revolves around a single ...

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Cooking Spray Unsafe For Millennials

Cooking Spray Unsafe For Millennials4 votes / 5 Stars Millennials have a difficult time with arrows, because they feel all arrows should point toward them. This makes cooking spray a challenge, because the business end of the nozzle is pointed in the same direction as the arrow.  The original intent of the arrow on the nozzle was to help normal people realize where the stuff was going to come out. It seems there are some unintended consequences, especially among millennials. Millennials are the most entitled and self-centered generation of Americans to date, and they have essentially no idea that other people exist. Psychologists call this ‘malignant narcissism,’ and it’s a real issue with which many must deal.  Those affected by ...

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