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Twelve Internet Rumors You Didn’t Know Were True

Twelve Internet Rumors You Didn’t Know Were True 2 votes / 5 Stars SILICON VALLEY, California – The social media universe has become a proverbial treasure trove of conspiracy theory and satire. It is nearly impossible for any of us to maintain a grip on what is true and what is, well, utter BS. What if some of these stories were true? We have scanned the interwebs in an attempt to bring you the top 12 social media conspiracies that are actually true. 00

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Scientist Discover That Most People Are Completely Useless

Scientist Discover That Most People Are Completely Useless 7 votes / 5 Stars Western culture tends to push the narrative that everyone is a unique snowflake, each with his/her/zer own worth, value, and abilities.  Western culture is wrong.  Science has determined that the vast majority of people are utterly useless.  They’ll spend most of their lives simply eating and being a burden on society and the overtaxed distribution systems we’ve established to keep them alive.  Think about the last time you attended a family reunion.  How many of those people have contributed to society in any meaningful way?  Odds are you have only one family member who has accomplished anything of note.  In all likelihood, it’s not even you (but considering ...

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Bibles, Qurans, and AR-15s, Oh My! Part One

Bibles, Qurans, and AR-15s, Oh My! Part One 4 votes / 5 Stars ISLA SORNA – Life is inherently full of dangerous things that strive to hurt and kill us. We have been confronted lately by, according to main street media, the three biggest culprits of disaster and mayhem working with, and against each other. These three inanimate doom  initiators are The Christian Bible, The Islamic Quran, and the AR-15 Rifle (which some claim is an assault rifle but that is another article). I am sure most of you have asked yourself, like me, which is the most dangerous of the three? I sought out to get an answer and the results of the search were mind blowing. I paid ...

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Surviving Alien Abduction 2016

Surviving Alien Abduction 2016 4 votes / 5 Stars Every passing year brings with it more tales of abduction and horrors orchestrated by our visitors from above. From simple sightings to full horrifying physical examinations our helplessness as compared to our spacely counterparts has been written and talked about since man first had the ability to think and chronicle his experiences. Recently several abduction victims have unlocked the secrets of surviving these experiences and turning the tables on these out of this world aggressors. For obvious reasons these brave sources names have been changed to protect their privacy (except for Albert Schmalzeried because screw Albert Scmalzeried). We have used their experience and insight to create this list and we all ...

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Walmart to Replace Stockers With Robots, Reactions Mixed on Stangflip strategy

Walmart to Replace Stockers With Robots, Reactions Mixed on Stangflip strategy 3 votes / 5 Stars BENTONVILLE, Arkansas – The Walmart corporation, the largest retailer in the world, is preparing to replace more than half of their overnight shelve stocking staff with new super robots created by Reagent light Industries. The move, which looks to trim several hundred thousand jobs through the U.S. called Stangflip, is a must for the retail giant trying to make ends meet in the new fiscal realities that have been thrust upon us all. ” We have been testing the (Walbots) for about a month now with great success,” said James Plunk, chief operating officer of Walmart Human Resources and acquisitions. These Walbots go through ...

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Witch Doctor Claims Computer Viruses Are Demons

Witch Doctor Claims Computer Viruses Are Demons 3 votes / 5 Stars ALEXANDRIA, Virginia – As if computers were not confusing enough to the bulk of the population, now it appears that they may be possessed by demons.  When your computer starts acting strangely, the first person to call may not be the GeekSquad.  Molumbu Motumbe, a self-proclaimed shaman from Nigeria has set up shop in Northern Virginia.  He claims that he can fix your PC and defend it from viruses, remotely, in most cases. His technique is far from simple.  It involves a chant, a dance, and music, as well as a proprietary mixture of sacred herbs and oils.  He also needs to get into a trance-like state to ...

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Google Driverless Car Flips Off Asian Woman Driver

Google Driverless Car Flips Off Asian Woman Driver 5 votes / 5 Stars Google’s driverless car technology is fascinating to most people as it truly borders on the imagination of a magical world where your dreams are the limit.  Like most things of this nature, there is a complex AI that makes it possible.  AI stands for Artificial Intelligence, for those not in the know.  AI, as it’s currently understood, is in its infancy, and like any other infants it needs groomed and developed. Microsoft recently unveiled an AI aimed at Twitter for the English speaking crowd which became an evil intolerant racist almost instantly.  The Japanese version faired much better by merely complaining about its hay fever and shouting ...

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Amazon : Forget Drones, Wormholes are the Future

Amazon : Forget Drones, Wormholes are the Future 8 votes / 5 Stars GENEVA, Switzerland – The future is now, but it is not the future we were expecting. Geneva, Switzerland is all abuzz, as is the rest of the world, regarding new information just released this morning that will take the scientific community for the ride of a lifetime. According to Stanley Griswald, (Amazon corp. Director of scientific discovery), life is about to change for all of us in an amazing Amazon kind of way.  According to Griswald, the Amazon drone program has been put on hold practically before it even started while they begin work on their new, revolutionary wormhole project. Imagine ordering a product from California and ...

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Government Studies Too Expensive, Usually Have Bad Results

Government Studies Too Expensive, Usually Have Bad Results 3 votes / 5 Stars A recent study conducted by the National Science Foundation, costing a whopping $1 billion, which sought to quantify the efficacy and efficiency of scientific studies, has concluded.  The study was funded by the National Science Foundation, a government function, which means the funds came from taxpayers.  The shocking part of the study is not the price tag, or the organization which performed the study, it was the results. The study found that government funded studies are severely over priced, and more often than not, the results of those studies cannot be trusted.  The head of the study, Dr. Vég Noel, wasn’t even sure if the results of the study should ...

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Ancient Cave Drawings: Smoke Signals are the Cause of Climate Change

Dr. Uhura points out some cave drawings

Ancient Cave Drawings: Smoke Signals are the Cause of Climate Change 6 votes / 5 Stars NAZCA Peru-  Archaeologists exploring a newly found cave in Nazca, Peru have discovered ancient drawings that appear to suggest that man has been responsible for, and aware of his culpability in, climate change for thousands of years.  Dr. Iman Uhara (the director of the team) was shocked to see that ancient people were just as concerned about, and in tuned to, their environment. According to these writings that we have been able to translate thus far, we have determined that these stone aged people knew that the more smoke they put up into the air the higher the future temperatures would become. – Dr. ...

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