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Happy Mother’s Day from Immediate Safety

Rate this post  We all know about your strained relationship with your mother.  Get off your butt and go get her flowers before the florist closes.  Time’s a-wastin’   00

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Lego 50 Shades of Grey Drawing Criticism, Backlash

Lego 50 Shades of Grey Drawing Criticism, Backlash 51 votes / 5 Stars  Travellers Tales inc. (TT Games), the software giant behind the all popular Lego video game collection, finds itself under fire this week after concept art was released for its new playable action series, “Lego 50 Shades of Grey”. According to Burton Prescott (TT Games President of Development and acquisitions), this will be an entirely new experience in Lego style gaming.  Our fans are growing up and need content that grows with them. 50 Shades is the most robust enviroment we have ever created, and gives the user full control of an expanded 50 Shades universe full of ‘A list’ celebrities and big names from the past. Lego 50 ...

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In Effort to Prevent Future Beatings, United Airlines Implements Passenger Safewords

In Effort to Prevent Future Beatings, United Airlines Implements Passenger Safewords 1 vote / 5 Stars CHICAGO, IL – Embattled United Airlines announced today that it would make changes to passenger boarding procedures to prevent future beatings.  The airline, as most people are currently aware, recently dragged a passenger off an overbooked flight after a severe beating.  Rather than force their employees to deplane and find other accommodations, the airline opted to deplane a paying passenger by any means necessary.  Apparently, those necessary means involved police, a beating, dragging, and medical issues. The airline has been tight-lipped during the freefall its stock has undergone since the incident.  They’ve finally announced that they have every intention of rectifying the situation the ...

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Donald Trump Followed By Large Combative Cloud Of Global Warming

Donald Trump Followed By Large Combative Cloud Of Global Warming 1 vote / 5 Stars NEW YORK, New York – Depending on whether you are a Republican or Democrat you likely have very different views on global warming and the causes of the fluctuations in temperatures worldwide. Global warming has no such biases and seems to have made its beliefs known. Over the last month, as President Trump has traveled from coast to coast, a large antagonistic cloud of global warming has followed. Many inside the beltway have become very concerned and have politicized the cumulus obstruction to The President. “You know things are bad when clouds become sentient,” said Nancy Pelosi (House Minority Leader CA), “If there was a ...

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President Trump Signs Executive Order Making Everything You Read Today Literally True

President Trump Signs Executive Order Making Everything You Read Today Literally True 1 vote / 5 Stars In a late night Oval Office session yesterday, President Trump signed an executive order making everything you read today literally true.  Spokepeople for the president hope this executive order will help gullible people have a better start to the second quarter of the year than they usually do. Part of making America great again is making people who believe anything happy again.  It’s all true.  Even the stuff I don’t like. –President Trump

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Transgender Loophole: US Women’s Olympic Team Set to Dominate Games

Transgender Loophole: US Women’s Olympic Team Set to Dominate Games 1 vote / 5 Stars The plan may not have been obvious before but it is now.  The identity politics game of the American social justice movement has been a clever ruse to clean up at the 2018 PyeongChang games and the 2020 Tokyo games.  While it took us a while to realize the plan, it’s becoming crystal clear as time progresses.  With the announcement of Laurel Hubbard, a transgender “woman” from Kiwi, New Zealand, and her ability to dominate the sport of competitive weightlifting, the stage is set.  Her genetically female opponents have fully accepted the trans woman despite not liking it.  As the US searches for transitioning athletes in the high-property-value, ...

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Donald Trump The Leader Of The Great Hats?

Donald Trump The Leader Of The Great Hats? 5 votes / 5 Stars NEW YORK, New York – 2016 was the year of iconic election moment after iconic election moment. From Wikileaks to #Pizzagate and everywhere in-between we all became concessioners of every bit of vile fodder from the leading parties. Through it all, the most iconic feature remains Donald Trump’s red “Make America Great Again” ball cap. Before you decide to pat The Donald on the back for his election artifact acumen, our research indicates he was not the first, nor the last person to adopt the Great Red Hat. Here is a list of others who used the Red Hat on their rise to near victory. +160

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A Day Without Women Becomes Revenge of the Patriarchy

A Day Without Women Becomes Revenge of the Patriarchy 1 vote / 5 Stars DALLAS, Texas – In a bold move, women all over the nation used the advent of International Women’s Day, the 8th of March, to organize a national strike.  While the intent was to show how difficult life would be if women didn’t show up, not all women were able to take part.  The strike went on, mainly with privileged women who either didn’t work or who could afford the time off, taking part.  The strike was a protest against the unfair treatment of women in the US.  It was likewise a demand that the current administration refrains from taking away the scant few rights women in ...

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CIA Drawing Ire from DC’s Previous toughest kid on the block

CIA Drawing Ire from DC’s Previous toughest kid on the block 1 vote / 5 Stars DEVELOPING…… ASHBURN, Virginia – Unless you have been stranded on a desert island without internet access for the last 24 hours you are likely aware that the CIA is in the proverbial dog house. They (CIA) have been implicated in the largest spying conspiracy in almost a week (see Obama Trump). Unfortunately, these new revelations go far beyond spying and find themselves knee-deep in scandals involving murder and assassinations.  One group in DC has taken notice and is especially appalled at the CIA’s apparent lack of understanding of copyright infringement. The Clinton Foundation, which is well-known for <cough> “charity” work around the world, also ...

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President Trump Scheduled To Make Racist Remarks

Rate this post NEW YORK, New York – Being President Of The Unites States is exhausting, time-consuming, and constant. Even the most energetic and detailed among us would have a difficult time keeping up with the type of demands Donald Trump has recently had thrust upon him. It’s easy to become complacent and occasionally forget a step or two, but when it comes to diversity those same missteps get magnified tremendously. Reports out of Washington D.C. recently have suggested that it has been several days since The President’s words have overtly offended anyone based on color, religion, gender, or sexual preference. Some inner circle social justice warriors have spoken out on this and have gained the attention of The Trump ...

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