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Tag Archives: safety

How To Pass Safely in the Snow

How To Pass Safely in the Snow 4 votes / 5 Stars   Russians know snow… +100

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Chipotle Roulette – Because We Know You Can’t Resist

Chipotle Roulette – Because We Know You Can’t Resist 8 votes / 4.5 Stars DENVER, COLORADO – A new marketing campaign by America’s favorite premium fast food chain, Chipotle, is sticking it’s thumb right in the eye of the CDC (Center for Disease Control), the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) and the American public at large. The new “Chipotle Roulette” game, which promises consumers a 1 in 6 chance of contracting E. coli, has actually begun to increase customers willingness to purchase and consume Chipotle’s products. According to our marketing research we have found that our customers love our product so much that they are willing to risk contracting E. coli to eat it. I decided we should market toward ...

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Be Careful Travelling in the Snow

Be Careful Travelling in the Snow 6 votes / 5 Stars Snow is not safe for travel, and this weekend should bring a lot of it. +70

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Least Safe Thing About Teen Dating: Her Father

Least Safe Thing About Teen Dating: Her Father 4 votes / 5 Stars Teenagers date.  It’s a natural part of the process of growing up.  They also do all manner of things fathers don’t want to think about.  This fact has given rise to the DADD movement, among others.  DADD stands for Dads Against Daughters Dating.  This idea is generally limited to fathers of good looking daughters, but looks are a very subjective thing. DADD is not an organized movement, as opposed to the MADD movement, which has meetings and a national headquarters.  It’s more of just a shirt that dads can wear to announce that they feel their daughter is good looking enough to warrant a defensive posture in regards ...

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The Official Theme Song of Immediate Safety

The Official Theme Song of Immediate Safety 6 votes / 5 Stars This song is the most apt summation of the positions of the staff at Immediate Safety. +180

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Bear Avoidance is Safer Than Bear Poking

Bear Avoidance is Safer Than Bear Poking 5 votes / 5 Stars This man knows the truth about bears. +150

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Lego® Blocks Strewn About Battlefields a War Crime?

Lego® Blocks Strewn About Battlefields a War Crime? 6 votes / 5 Stars The world has seen far more than its fair share of war, and no period in history has been without bloodshed.  With the advent of agreements, conventions, and treaties on the laws of war, we’ve seen a far more humane set of rules emerge on how human beings are to properly kill each other.  Since the 1864 Geneva Convention and all the way up to the 2008 Convention on Cluster Munitions, the world has sought to eliminate the most horrible parts of armed conflict. There are rules about intentionally starving civilian populations, controlling the weather, dipping bullets in garlic and toxic substances, and even a whole convention on the ...

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It’ll Be Warm, for a Minute…

It’ll Be Warm, for a Minute… 4 votes / 5 Stars What not to do on both ends of being on fire… +150

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Scientists Recommend Easing Back Into Work After Holidays

Scientists Recommend Easing Back Into Work After Holidays 5 votes / 5 Stars No one likes work.  Even those people who tell you they love what they do.  They hate work more than the rest of us, they’ve just deluded themselves into believing that they don’t.  Those people also like boy bands, have tattoos of cartoon characters, respond to penis enlargement emails, and probably still drink wine coolers.  People especially hate returning to work after a holiday break or a vacation.  Now scientists believe jumping back in after a break is harmful to your health.  Dr. Lucy Rogers, behavioral psychologist at the University of Washington Social and Behavioral institute weighed in on the subject. Work stress is like a spring.  It ...

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New Year’s Resolutions Unsafe

New Year’s Resolutions Unsafe 3 votes / 5 Stars As it turns out, making new year’s resolutions is a dangerous activity that leads many to a false sense of self worth.  It’s simply unsafe to be sure of oneself because it only tends to last through the second week of the new year, leading to depression and binge drinking.  This being the case, it’s safest to simply maintain the status quo and keep being lazy and indecisive. It’s a well known fact that gyms make the bulk of their money in December / January, and most gym injuries occur in the first week of January.  Joining a gym is a bad idea because weights are heavy and you obviously don’t ...

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