AFGHANISTAN – Clerics in Jalalabad have revealed that the ghost of Mohamed Atta has made contact with them in their meditations. He has informed them that there is no Allah and that hell is ‘actually pretty cool.’ They have stated that they’re not sure if it’s the real Atta, but admit that the spirit knew things that only Atta would have known, such 
as the conversations had between them prior to his martyrdom mission, what decent beer tastes like, and the fact that the 72 virgins thing is ‘goat shit.’ His ghost also said…
At least now I am able to eat bacon and love it. I bought a pair of Nikes which is cool, and I can see women’s faces. It’s nice sometimes, but many of them should really only show their eyes.
We’re uncertain whether or not this revelation will have any effect on the notion of martyrdom, but Atta’s ghost isn’t the first. Several other ghosts have spoken to the same group of clerics with similar tales. Most say that the hellfire is overstated, and it’s more like a garbage barrel on skid row.
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