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If you haven’t heard of Pokémon Go yet, odds are you were recently rescued from your political internment in North Korea or just woke from a coma that began a year ago.  It seems like everyone is on the bandwagon.  The amazing thing about the game is the broad swath of players it has.  From children to adults in their 60’s, everyone is playing.  The Pew Research Institute decided to gather some statistics, and while they aren’t finished yet, the preliminary results are staggering.

For instance, the average GO player has seen Attack on Titan 3 times already.  If you haven’t seen it, you will.  More than 45% of them have seen all the Full Metal Alchemist episodes, and are not looking forward to the live action movie version because they’re certain it’ll be ‘shit.’  The average female player has an IQ of over 110, and the bulk of the male players still have no idea how girls work.

volvo
Wait, so this isn’t a Vulva?

The older players naturally skew to more world experience, but the staggering statistic is the number of males who play the game between the ages of 6 and 35 who, when asked for the definition of the word ‘vulva’ replied, “You mean the cars?”

None of this addresses the likelihood that the game is an Orwellian spy-bot, though.

We’ll check back in with the folks at Pew to determine what the final results are.  We wouldn’t be surprised if most of the people who play hate Budweiser and think tacos are ‘lit’

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