Home Science Aliens Make Contact: Stop Giving Stars Stupid Names.

Aliens Make Contact: Stop Giving Stars Stupid Names.

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Aliens Make Contact: Stop Giving Stars Stupid Names.
This image of the Milky Way has been released to mark the completion of the APEX Telescope Large Area Survey of the Galaxy (ATLASGAL). The APEX telescope in Chile has mapped the full area of the Galactic Plane visible from the southern hemisphere for the first time at submillimetre wavelengths — between infrared light and radio waves — and in finer detail than recent space-based surveys. The APEX data, at a wavelength of 0.87 millimetres, shows up in red and the background blue image was imaged at shorter infrared wavelengths by the NASA Spitzer Space Telescope as part of the GLIMPSE survey. The fainter extended red structures come from complementary observations made by ESA's Planck satellite. Note that the far right section of this long and thin image does not include Planck imaging. To fully appreciate this image click on it and zoom and scroll sideways.

TACOMA, Wash. – Yesterday evening the National Star Registry (NSR) in Tacoma, Washington received a very special visit from a galaxy far far away.

I looked out the window and there was this saucer shaped craft. It was crazy. These stairs came down and this little alien pops out. I felt like I was in a movie. – Pete Catan – NSR Sales.

stanleyThe being introduced himself as Stanley and asked to speak with whoever was in charge. He was taken immediately to the NSR President Thomas Gordon, who said, “We spoke for about ten minutes. Stanley was very upset that we keep selling the naming rights to stars across the galaxy. It is evidently illegal to purchase stars under Milky Way law.”  Stanley, who hails from BX31C which revolves around the star we know as ‘Patty Driscoll’ explained to our reporters why he was so unhappy that he had to visit face to face to get this problem resolved.

You don’t own the stars. You have no right to name them. One of you jerks renamed our sun Patty Driscoll.  How would you like to be outside and hear someone say, ‘Patty Driscoll is very hot today’ or, ‘Patty Driscoll rises at 5:29 AM tomorrow’. Just please stop! Your planet is ruining the entire galaxy. – Stanley

Our reporters attempted to ask questions about the Universe and the true meaning of life but Stanley refused to answer anything we asked. He just continued to vent about his frustration over our changing of star names.

No one wants to live in the Driscoll system

We have to change our star maps every time one of you renames a star. Why did you rename PB332S ‘Amber Higgins?’ You jerks can’t even see it from here! How about FC111P. It used to be my favorite star in my night sky but you morons renamed it Hugh Ballzack. Now I can’t even bring myself to look at it. What do you expect from a Solar System that names a planet Uranus. – Stanley.

Stanley explained that under Milky Way law only the Bureau of Star names can rename a star. He advised we would be hearing from them soon and they are very unhappy as they now live on a planet revolving around a star renamed Hugh Jass.

 

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