How Do We Make Guns Safer?
Guns are inherently unsafe. They kill nearly everyone who comes near them. That is, of course, with the inexplicable exception of redneck, white, conservative,...
President Trump To Adorn commemorative Cheetos Bag
COLUMBUS, Ohio - A big announcement is expected soon from the Frito-Lay corporation regarding our newly elected President Donald J. Trump. According to reports,...
Walmart to Replace Stockers With Robots, Reactions Mixed on Stangflip strategy
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The Walmart corporation, the largest retailer in the world, is preparing to replace more than half of their overnight shelve stocking...
Energy Drinks Lead to Dressing Like a Douche
SCOTTSDALE, Arizona - Consumption of energy drinks is growing exponentially, especially among young men with a penchant for acting stupid, dressing stupidly, and doing...
Acclaim set to release followup to “Guitar Hero” with “Cowbell Hero”
TIMPUEY, Hong Kong - The Acclaim corporation is set to make one of the biggest video game releases in recent memory next week with...
Mayor Emanuel to Announce ‘Guns for Jordans’ Initiative
CHICAGO, Illinois- Mayor Rahm Emanuel has scheduled a major press conference for next week to introduce the newest and grandest idea to get guns...
CZ Boss Phone Changing Prisons Through Keistering
CINCINNATI, Ohio - An idea whose time has finally come. The world was recently introduced to the '3 in 1 Long-CZ J8 Beat The...