Cruz to Ohio and Florida Voters: Trump Died

COLUMBUS, OH – The dirty tricks just keep coming from the Presidential campaign of Ted Cruz. As we all know he perpetrated an act of literal sabotage against Dr. Ben Carson by telling voters, both verbally and through email, that Dr. Carson had dropped out of the race to steal votes away from the candidate early on. Just this week the Cruz campaign has been caught telling voters in Hawaii that Marco Rubio had dropped out of the race in order to steal votes from the Rubio campaign. Now the most heinous of all deliberate lies has been concocted against the campaign of frontrunner Donald Trump. An email has been sent to voters in Ohio and Florida which says the following,

We regret to inform the voters of Ohio and Florida that Donald J. Tump has passed away from being old and not washing his hands. Senator Cruz was by his side and held his filthy hand in the final moments. Mr. Trump’s last words were “Win the whole damn thing, Ted.” And that is what I intend to do. Let’s win this for Donald. Also Marco Rubio died too.

As you can imagine the Trump campaign flew into action trying to prove their candidate was still alive. According to Florida and Ohio law, Trump will be removed from the ballot in both states until he produces a doctor’s note describing the candidate’s current state of being.

Senator Cruz you have gone too far. Lying Ted says I am dead? I am very much alive.

The Rubio camp was terse in their response.

If the Senatore is dead or alive, I don’t think it has much of an effect on our chance of winning.

We also reached out to the Cruz campaign for clarification that he is, indeed, still alive.

I actually havn’t seen him since Tuesday. He won’t answer my calls. Maybe he is dead. Either way we will push forward and win. Or at least come in second. Maybe third. Oh, sweet…  you guys brought donuts.