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DETROIT, Michigan – A Wayne County couple, today, filed a federal lawsuit against the Proctor & Gamble corporation (Makers of Tide detergent), for a defect in the companies (Tide inc.), detergent pods which led to unprecedented weight gain and other related health anomalies. Seraphine Spiker and her husband Melvin (stay at home parents) claim Seraphine’s consuming of Tide pods have caused her to gain 45 pounds over the course of a single month. According to documents obtained from official court records the Spikers attorney (Jackie Chiles Esq), the scent of the Spikers clothes became a trigger for hunger.

“Yeah, that’s going to be a problem. It’s gonna be a problem for them. This a clear violation of your rights as a consumer. It’s an infringement on your constitutional rights. It’s outrageous, egregious, preposterous.

A physician associated with the Spikers insists that Seraphine’s weight gain is not at all related to the fact that consuming tide pods causes intestinal distress and potential permanent digestive damage, but that her weight gain is a direct result of the fact that Tide pods are addictive.

We reached out to Tide, Inc. for comment.  They said, “Are you fu*#ing kidding me?”  then promptly hung up.  We’re not sure if that means they don’t believe us or if they just keep getting these sorts of calls.  More on this story as it develops.

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