SILICON VALLEY, California – The social media universe has become a proverbial treasure trove of conspiracy theory and satire. It is nearly impossible for any of us to maintain a grip on what is true and what is, well, utter BS. What if some of these stories were true? We have scanned the interwebs in an attempt to bring you the top 12 social media conspiracies that are actually true.
1The world is indeed flat
For all of you ‘Ball Earth’ conspiracy nuts out there we have some bad news. The world is indeed flat. All world governments are in cahoots with the devil himself to strategically fool you into believing you live on a round sphere instead of a flat plane. What the devil actually gains by this we are not sure as none of the scientific websites who gathered this information really explains Satan’s end game. Just know that it is Satan’s top priority to make you convinced the Earth is round.
2The Mandela effect is true
Have you ever been 100% sure you knew something from the past and were proven wrong? Maybe, just maybe, You were righter than you thought. This is a phenomenon called the “Mandela Effect”. Things get changed from the past all of the time. You remember Jiffy peanut butter and swear that Kevin Costner said, “If you build it THEY will come”, and not “HE will come?” Did Forest Gump say, “Life IS like a box of chocolates”, or “Life WAS like a box of chocolates”? If you got any of these wrong, you are not an idiot. The Mandela effect changed it on you as it has so many others.
3Michelle Obama used to be a man
She may be a woman now, she may have given birth to two beautiful little girls, but the evidence suggests Michelle Obama indeed used to be a man. This one is easy because certainly women were not allowed to be college football linebackers back then. Also WHAT IS THAT THING?
4The moon landing was faked
Many people look at the video of the American flag waving in the wind on the atmosphere less satellite as absolute proof that we did not land on the moon. Others point out the lack of an impact crater under the moon lander. Some even show shadows of anything in-frame on NASA’s own pictures, scattering every direction as if the dominant lighting source was not Sol, as indisputable proof that Apollo 11 was staged on a movie set (probably in area 51). For me, the real smoking gun is the absolute knowledge that aliens are living in, and monitoring us from, bases all over the moon. There is no way they just let three astronauts on the moon without teaching us a lesson, right?
5Alien bases are prevalent on the dark side of the moon
This one should be obvious to all of you. We have all watched the legitimate Youtube videos that clearly show authentic alien bases on the moons dark side. Many say these “buildings” are natural features of the moon. To that, I say, RIGHT ANGLES! Right angles just don’t happen in nature, EVER! If there are right angles there is life. Enough said.
6Every article that starts with “Here is absolute proof that” are actually true.
I know people, lots of people, and one thing I know about them as a whole is they will never use words such as “absolute”, and “proof”, unless they were 100% sure. Who puts their good name on the line if there is any risk that the information that follows is possibly wrong? Not this journalist or else my name is not 100% absolutely Dr. I.M. Swindler!
Who believes the Earth is filled with hot liquid magma? If you said me you are very wrong. Have you never heard of Admiral Byrd? Have you ever read Jules Verne? I doubt you have. There is no way in Hell the outer inhabitants of Earth could run these societies without the assistance of our inner Earth chaperones. Anyone who believes the world is round and filled is a tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorist. I don’t know much but what I do know is the Earth is flat and hollow.
8The Cleveland Browns are set up to win
This may be the most shocking truth on this list. The Cleveland Browns will win and the reason they will win is the fact that they are not perfect. I know that sounds crazy as it should, but once you realize the science behind this your mind will be blown. Here it goes… If A person were made the general manager of a professional football team and asked to be sure the team loses every year for 20 years the law of averages suggests that person fails at least once. I am not suggesting the Browns are trying to lose but even if they were they could not possibly succeed these many years in a row. As soon as winning becomes the failure the Browns will find a way to win and I believe the truth is that happens this year.
9You actually can become a cyber terrorist expert making 60k in just 30 days
Am I the only person who has ever clicked on this true add? I highly doubt it. Admit it, you clicked it. If you had gone all the way through the application process you would have realized how true it really is. The Department of Homeland Security backs this process 100%. Just ask them. People with 4 or 6-year college educations make OK cyber-security agents but, as DHS explains, those who take the extensive 30 day Facebook course jump to the front of the line for counter-terrorism jobs. No matter the cost of the course please open your checkbooks, pay the money, and start earning $60,000 a year in 30 days.
10Every president since 1988 was the Antichrist
Let’s see; Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama. Yup, all four of them were, in fact, the Antichrist. 90% of you will agree with two of these President being the Antichrist based off of your political leaning but be aware, all four of them were the Antichrist. They didn’t do so hot as Earth is still in one flat hollow piece. The fact that they were inept and incompetent at bringing the world to an end doesn’t mean they didn’t have the desire to do so. It just means they got bored and complacent. Well….anyway, that is a lot easier than having to admit you were wrong about them.
11‘Redlighting’ for anti-gun solidarity is real
Redlighting is real and it’s spectacular. This began about a year ago and has been gaining steam ever since. Anti-gun activists have been replacing their standard porch light bulbs with red bulbs to boldly say, “This is a gun free home”. Many people claim this is not true but all you have to do is drive through any neighborhood in America and count the red bulbs. Las Vegas Nevada, for some reason, seems to have the highest concentration of anti-gun redlight activists. According to redlight purists they will not stop until every home in America is adorned with red porch lights.
12There really are 5 steps to make models fall for any man
True true true. If you fall within the normal or ugly region on the man scale you need to check into these five amazing steps. It’s like dropping catnip in front of a cat. Beautiful women are wired differently than the rest of the human race. Scientists first identified this in 2012 and quickly worked on how to manipulate this wiring. Luckily for the rest of us, they decided to share these steps instead of keeping them all for themselves. It’s all about the betterment of mankind than the desires of a couple of brilliant scientists and academics.