SAN FRANCISCO, California – like it or not Colin Kaepernick, the controversial backup quarterback of the San Francisco 49ers, has become a household name for sitting during the national anthem before his team’s games. Many believe him to be a disrespectful twat for these actions but if you dig below the surface you find that he is simply an emotional guy with thoughtful intentions. Those who know him best tell a story of the man, a big heart, and the effects of music on his conscience.
I was riding in the car with him one day and Tommy Tutones 867-5309 came on the radio. He (Kaepernick) immediately veered to the right, parked the car, and sat beside it. I wasn’t sure why at the moment but later remembered that Jenny was the name of his highschool sweetheart. – Mitch Hedberg (Childhood friend)
I sit, that’s what I do.
After speaking to family and friends we have learned some shocking secrets that no other media has been willing to uncover. Mr. Kaepernick is not merely making a social stand against the National Anthem. He is speaking with his heart in a way he wants all of us to hear. The National Anthem is only one song of many during which he refuses to remain standing. There is actually a list of songs he always sits through. “Colin is not unpatriotic, he just gets sentimental about certain songs and the anthem is just one of them,” said Molly Warts who is Kaepernick’s cousin. “He has been like that since we were kids.”
We were able to piece together a partial list of some of the songs he sits through and why. Of course, it was impossible to compile the entire list, as evidently it is always growing and changing. These songs have given us a much better understanding of Mr. Kaepernick and his arguably unorthodox behavior.
Continue to see the list of songs and their meaning in Colin’s life.
Who can I turn to?
867-5309 By Tommy Tutone - As mentioned earlier Jenny is the name of Colin's high school sweetheart Jenny Picalo. Since the day they broke up he has not been able to stand while it plays.
Not the same Jenny, but Jenny!
Jenny from the block by Jennifer Lopez - Same as #1 he had nicknamed her Jenny from the block so this song hurts as bad, or worse than the others.
Left-handed Lesbian Albino midget Eskimos by the Dead Milkmen same as #'s 1 and 2
Reaching out, touching me, touching you
Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond - This always reminds him of the Boston Redsox and he has heard the organization and everyone in Boston are racists.
Any song by Pink - Colin believes women should know their place and not be so confident and snarky
Walk Like an Egyptian by The Bangles - Colin believes it is racist and intolerant to make fun of the way Egyptians walk.
Let me out!
Who Let the Dogs Out by The Baha Men - Colin was a big fan of Michael Vick growing up and believes letting the dogs out destroyed his career.
Food Glorious Food from the musical Oliver - As long as a single person goes to bed hungry Colin will sit while this plays.
I see tomatoes
Miami by Will Smith - Once while in Miami he clearly ordered a taco supreme with no tomatoes and of course they screwed it up. He will continue to protest Miami until the Taco Bell corporation issues him an apology.
Why are baby cows so delicious?
Chili's baby back ribs theme song - Colin believes only adult cows and pigs should be used for food. He sits when the commercial plays and asks we all do the same.
Such a fine sight to see
Take It East by The Eagles - Colin believes people in Winslow, Arizona are stuck-up, elitist assholes and refuses to stand for any song that glorifies them. Also, girls in flatbed Fords remind him of Jenny.
Diabeetus is not funny
Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard - Colin believes that this song is insensitive to those with Diabetes and Hypoglycemia and sits until the song is over.
Unbreak my heart
I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner- Colin believes that love is unfair and protests by sitting every time this song plays.
Knowing what we know now it is difficult to be disappointed in his apparent unpatriotic stance. He is just an emotional guy who is moved by music. Perhaps if we all look inward there is a little tiny Kaepernick in all of us.
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