Chipotle Roulette – Because We Know You Can’t Resist

DENVER, COLORADO – A new marketing campaign by America’s favorite premium fast food chain, Chipotle, is sticking it’s thumb right in the eye of the CDC (Center for Disease Control), the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) and the American public at large. The new “Chipotle Roulette” game, which promises consumers a 1 in 6 chance of contracting E. coli, has actually begun to increase customers willingness to purchase and consume Chipotle’s products.

According to our marketing research we have found that our customers love our product so much that they are willing to risk contracting E. coli to eat it. I decided we should market toward that fact and make a fun game out of it. ‘Chipotle Roulette’ gives our customers the delicious food they love while entertaining them in a way no other restaurant chain is willing to match. – Jason Blank, Director of Marketing, Chipotle

Mr. Blank seems to be correct. Customers continue to flock to social media to show support for Chipotle and their marketing scheme.

I love Chipotle and I don’t care if I get sick eating it. They [Chipotle] say I have a 1 in 6 chance of getting some disease but I think I have a 5 in 6 chance of being OK. I really like those odds. – Garret Conroy, Portland, ME

Their (Chipotle) food is delicious and it was hard not to eat it because of the fear of getting sick. Now that they have introduced Chipotle Roulette it has become a fun game to play. I feel like such a winner when I wake up the next day and I am not feeling like I am dying. I suppose one day I will get one of the bad batches but until then it’s like being in Vegas. The odds be damned. I order two burritos every time I go, because I’m a daredevil. – Katy Everheart, Tulsa, OK

The CDC has been very vocal about their opposition to what they call ‘egregiously dangerous marketing.’ They are taking steps as we speak to stop the Chipotle Roulette campaign as well as shutting the food chain down until they take steps towards making their product safer for human consumption. Upon hearing this Mr. Blank had this to say.

We are not changing anything. Our customers have spoken and have let us know in a resounding voice that they are happy with the product as is. Besides, we spent all of this money on marketing our Chipotle Roulette campaign that it would not be cost effective to make our product safe at this time. – Blank

Ultimately the consumers will make the final decisions as to whether the new campaign is a success or not. Early indicators have led us to believe that our friends at Chipotle may be on to something.

The entire concept is exciting. You walk in the door and are immediately asked to sign a waver that you understand the food you are about to consume is likely tainted. You sign away your rights and agree that you are aware that you have a 1 in 6 chance of getting deathly ill. I have never eaten such an excitimg burrito in my life. These guys at Chipotle really know what they are doing. – Earnest Smith, Dallas, TX