Nutritional safety is always important in today’s fast-paced, fast food society. We all do the best we can to ensure we are getting the energy and the nutrients we require to keep us at our best. Many have suggested recently that everything we need can be found in basic fruits. This theory is very worrisome to nutritionists at the Gnawphul institute for nutritional studies in Budapest, Hungary. Dr. Philip Honmeats has been responsible for dozens of studies over the years linking many foods to disease and death. His groundbreaking new theory, which suggests that fruits are responsible for death amongst consumers, is taking the nutritional world by storm. According to his study, Dr. Honmeats shows that all fruits have an undeniable link to disease and death.
I have conducted studies with the families of over 2000 people who have died in the last 6 months. To my horror, I have found that an astonishing 100% of them ate fruits weekly. It is my belief that anyone who eats fruits on a regular basis will eventually die.
This study has rocked the world fruit industry. Many who stand to lose the most are fighting mad, including The Russian Apple Growers Association’s president Granny Smith Vloksduv who stated, “My apples are safe for everyone. You live or you get your money back. Bake pies, peal, eat whole. Our apples are safe.”
There are hundreds of nutritional studies on the foods we eat, but this is the only one in the world claiming a 100% mortality rate. We will all look forward to the continued life-saving research coming out of the institute, including links between socks and impotence, the color red and constipation, and our favorite tennis shoe’s link to male pattern baldness. Dr. Honmeats has also suggested that eating less fruit has no effect on mortality rate. Sadly after you have consumed you first fruit the clock starts ticking. Death is unavoidable after that first apple and the elusive cure is decades, if not centuries away.
