5/5 - (6 votes)

We all know Steve. For all intents and purposes, he is a nice guy. He is a father, husband, friend, and son, but he has a dark, twisted secret. There is a sinister compulsion built into nearly every Steve that many of us know, but none of us ever talk about. Steve is not a hand washer.

How many times have you watched Steve walk out of the restroom without washing his hands? If you are like the rest of us the answer is likely, every time.

Senator Steve Fielding can't stand the smell of his own hands.
Senator Steve Fielding can’t stand the smell of his own hands.

In a recent survey on hand washing practices, we found that 30% of respondents admitted to using the restroom and leaving without either washing their hands or using sanitizer.  Shockingly 97% of Steve’s admitted they themselves never wash their hands. As we dug deeper the 3% that did wash were actually ‘Stephan’ or ‘Stephen’ meaning a full 100% of actual ‘Steves’ are walking around with soiled hands.

This may be hard to take for some of you who have filed Steve’s horrors of restroom habits safely into your subconscious but ask yourself this. As a coworker do you ever let Steve touch the things on your desk? As a wife do you allow Steve to hold hands with you, or worse, kiss you while touching your face? As a parent how many times a day did you have to say, “Steve! Get back to that restroom and wash your hands?” I think the answers to these questions make it quite clear.

There is no hope for Steve. He is simply wired differently than the rest of us. If you know Steve be sure to always have a Steve safety kit with you which consists of gloves, a box of matches, a bag of Cheetos (to give him rather than let him put his hands into your bag), and a bottle of sanitizer.

There is no cure for being Steve, but for the rest of us, there is containment and preparedness.  We’re starting to wonder if maybe it wasn’t typhoid Steve.  Stay safe out there my friends.



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