New Marijuana Game, Smokémon, Killing Kids

With widespread acceptance of marijuana culture and use, a new danger has arisen for children.  Like college kids and frat houses love their drinking games, it was only a matter of time before a smoking game caught on.  The game is called Smokémon, and it’s a lot like a trading card game, only with actual marijuanas.  We all know that marijuanas kill most of the people who use them, and that’s what makes this game so difficult to talk about.

The game works using the strain names on leafly.com.  If a player has a sample (called a nug) of the strain on the card, he can use the card.  The more power the strain, the more likely the player is to win.  The two players each take one hit of the strain played by their opponent.  The game continues until one of the players refuses a hit, passes out, or starts getting fascinated by fabric weave.  The winning player gets the nugs played by the losing player, who, at this point, is a quivering vegetable.

According to state police in the marijuana hating state of Nebraska, this game started because the evil lawmakers in Colorado made it legal for the lazy, uninventive potheads there to consume marijuanas.  Speaking with Sheriff’s Deputy Robert Spencer, he chimed in on his state’s opinion.

Thanks to Colorado, we have this plague of dank weed flooding across our border, making our kids stupider.  I mean, this is Nebraska.  We need all the smarts we can get.

The major concern of states like Nebraska and Oklahoma is that this game will become the cause of countless deaths from overdosing on marijuanas.  Spencer went on to talk about this issue.

This stuff is deadly.  Our dogs can smell it from here to Denver.  No one has died from it yet, but it’s coming.  In the mean time, I can’t even find a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in any convenience store around because these potheads are snatching them all up.

One of our IS reporters happened to stumble upon Donald Trump in Iowa late yesterday and we had the opportunity to ask him his opinion. As always he was ready to let one rip.

I think it’s great. I remember how great it was when I was a kid and I want to make marijuanas great again. I hope this game will turn kids on to the great marijuanas that are out there and not this crap they sell on the street. Let’s make America great and marijuana great and we will all enjoy the greatness.

While we wait for the death tolls to rise, remember to talk to your kids about the dangers of the marijuanas.  They’re out there, waiting to get your kid involved in an illegal Smokémon ring.  No one wants to bury their high kids because of a card game.  It looks like Smokémon is highly addictive and a lot like a really slow Russian Roulette.