We’ve written before about polyembolokoilamania and the freakish thing it actually is. We’ve even written about one particular subset of that practice known as gerbiling. We’ve recently learned of another subset of this condition known as sounding. Sounding is the practice of inserting objects of ever-increasing width into the urethra (usually in men) in an effort to widen it. They actually sell kits for the DIY sounder. We really don’t understand the reason behind it, but we do understand that people are doing it. Once you get past the inevitable cringe moment and the obligatory, “But, why?” you’re left with only protecting the weirdos who do it from themselves.
Some helpful hints if you choose to take part in this weird practice:
- Start small – Don’t jump to a huge item like a kitchen knife and expect it to fit.
- Lubricate, lubricate, lubricate – You’re doing something unnatural, and as we all know, you have to lubricate unnatural things.
- Avoid jagged edges – Don’t just snip the end off a coat hanger and see how it goes. You’ll cause some possibly permanent damage because those things are sharp.
- One piece items – If your goal is your girlfriend’s stilettos, make sure they’re clean and don’t have a rubber end that can get stuck in there.
- Weigh the pros and cons – Should you be jamming this thing up there?
- Don’t overdo it – You’re going to get impatient and want to go big too soon. Don’t.
- Look at the sub-culture – Do you really want to be associated with this crowd?
- Handles – If it goes all the way in, you will absolutely need surgery.
- Pee first – Peeing with a foreign object in your urethra will be, well… messy.
- Take it out before sex – Do we need to expound on this at all?
- Red is a bad color – If you see blood, consult a medical professional immediately.
- Ask yourself why you’re doing it – If you can’t come up with a valid reason, just stop.
If you or someone you know is a sounder, we’d love to hear their reasons why in the comments section.