Kim Jung Un Wins ‘North Korea Idol’ for Record 7th Straight...
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jung Un, The Supreme leader of North Korea took one closer step toward immortality last night by winning his...
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Mulls 2020 Presidential Run Despite Her Age
Washington, DC - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), or AOC as she is called by the kids, is a 29-year-old US Legislator elected in New York's...
Huge Grocery Conspiracy: Why Produce is at Front of Supermarket
PEORIA, Illinois - Investigative journalists here at Immediate Safety have uncovered a grand conspiracy concerning the placement of produce in grocery stores and supermarkets....
President Obama Ready to Announce his “Adopt a Refugee” Policy
WASHINGTON D.C. - President Obama is taking no prisoners when it comes to the safety and well being of Syrian refugees seeking asylum in...
Transgenders to Liberal do-gooders : Please stop trying to “help”.
MADISON, Wisconsin - Restrooms, believe it or not, have become the new battlefield in America's social wars. Many have tried to resolve these differences...
Illinois State Legislature: Daylight Savings Time Should be 5 Hours Ahead
SPRINGFIELD, Illinois - The Illinois state House of Representatives today introduced legislation that would make Illinois the first state in the union to take...
Facebook to Allow Customers to Block Political Nonsense
BOSTON, Mass - According to inside reports Facebook is set to release an update to their platform that will allow users to block political...
Homeland Security: We Can Only Afford to Protect 45 States
WASHINGTON D.C. - In an unexpected, and stunning announcement from the DHS (Department of Homeland Security) undersecretary to the deputy chief of the Vice...
Ms. ISIS Beauty Pageant Ends in Controversy
DAMASCUS Syria - The first ever Ms. Isis beauty pageant was hailed as the biggest event in Syria in decades and lived up to...
Most ‘Best Dad’ Claims Based on Tiny Sample Set
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A new study based on fathering data demonstrates that most children mistakenly believe that their father is the world's best dad....